No you didn’t…. Living on the run.

So it’s day 2 of being on the run and let me just say this… This shit sucks. I can’t go anywhere bc I don’t want people to see me. Then I’m afraid the people who do see me are going to turn me in or get upset with me over some dumb shit and turn me in. Not a single person I know except for 4 people will have anything to do with me. I can’t go see my street mom/ best friend. I can’t really go anywhere I’m staying with some friends for the time being but I can’t stay here forever bc eventually someone’s going to say something and I don’t want to get my friends caught up. This kind of life is only for rich people who can afford to run and hide… So I was seeing this guy. Omg he was sexy. Has kids. Works. Gives it to me just how I want it. He could be a little more aggressive in bed but hey, I’m not complaining.. What I am complaining about is how flaky he is he will tell me he’s on his way for hours and still never show up… Now what really hurt my feelers was the other night I got locked out and ended up walking the streets til morning bc he never showed up. Let me fast forward to earlier that day where he had said he missed me. The comment was made ” that’s what I do when I care about someone”, well if that’s the case why did u leave me outside and forget to pick me up????? I can’t trust anything anyone says. In my last relationship my ex said something that stuck out to me and it was ” you believe everything ur told” only meant he did nothing but lie to me!!! Men suck. I don’t even try to understand them bc all the ones I’ve dated only care about themselves and only themselves. I can’t stand to hurt someone. My ex that’s all he lives to do. I swear he wakes up on the daily like how can I hurt Brooklyn today!! Oh I’ve got it.. I’ll lie to her face some more, and it’s not just him it’s everyone. Just think how many times have you been there for somebody at the drop of a hat and everything needed you but the minute you need somebody those same people that you were there for can’t even be there for you everybody’s all out for themselves and unless they’re going to benefit from helping you they’re not going to well that’s my rant for today

My freedom…

I went to court Friday and the judge gave me a stay until Monday morning at 9:00 a.m. That’s when I must turn myself into Boone county jail to await my transport to The Women’s Eastern Reception and Diagnostic Center. I was sentenced to 5 years which I can do standing on my head. There might be one slight problem this time and that is running Into my ex-wife, she’s already tried to kill me serveral times, and trust me it’s not because she can take me! She is just a whole nother kinds of crazy you just have to witness to believe…

So back to when I got out of court on Friday. I was with my ex and he stops by the store to get himself a soda. I’m in the car I remembered i hadn’t put my purfume onso I spray a little bit on and when he gets back into the car he turns into a royal dick! So I tell him to pull over I’ll walk he tells me to get the fuck out here so I did. Soon as the light turns green he turns left pulls into the laundry mat got out shaking up a strawberry soda and before I know it he is dumpings the entire thing all over me. Ruining my new shoes, my new purse I had gotten from someone just a few days before. I was so hurt all bc he says I slammed his door. That just shows how little I mean to him.. plus I’ve really been trying to move on and forget about him. He keeps hurting me. I’ve never met anyone in my life who’s broke every promise they’ve ever made. I know now never to trust a single word that comes out of anyone’s mouth again for the rest of my life. The people we think love and care for us the most. In reality they DONT!!! The entire time all it’s ever really been was him using you for everything you got. Then when I have nothing else left to give and he’s used you for everything already that’s when he’s packing up his shit and moving out. The fucked up part is he’s moving in with his new girlfriend he’s been fucking with for months now behind my back… Men suck!! Why can’t there be men that are my type that know the meaning of loyalty or being faithful. Instead ur around a group of ur friends and u get up to go to the bathroom and ur date starts hitting on people soon as I walk away. Why is that?? From the age of 16 to 37 I identified as a lesbian. The last few years I’ve had dating this dude and when we split I started seeing this other dude. Which after my last relationship I can’t believe a single word that this new dude says to me. I automatically think he’s gonna do the exact same thing to me so now I have my guard all the way up hell my walls have walls… And they ain’t coming down

No you didn’t

So i had court yesterday and I thought that was gonna be the day I got sent to prison, but they continued it til the 16th. I had a ride fromy street mom but when my ex offered to take me I jumped on it. All I wanted was to spend some time with them before I went to prison for however long I’m going to be there, but of course he promised to come over in the morning before court and actually spend some time with me. I texted him when I woke up and asked him to come over and he blows me off to get his windows tinted. It comes time forento leave for court and he finally shows up. At this point in hysterically bawling my eyes out because I’m hurt that he didn’t show up to spend any time with me he continues to tell me that he’s going to be there for me while I’m locked up and I have nothing to worry about but he’s not kept one single promise he’s made to me the entire time I’ve known him and he expects me just to believe him. So I have to stop by a friend’s house before I actually go to court and grab some money that they owe me and while I’m inside there he goes through my phone and gets butt hurt over some messages that he misread and took out of context. He then continues to tell me how he wishes he never met me how much he hates me how much of a hoe I am even though up to this point he’s still the only person I’ve slept with but I’m a hoe because some other dude text me. Have you ever loved somebody so much it doesn’t matter how bad they treat you, you still try to be there for them. I’m to the point now where I feel like no matter what I do or how much I try it’s never going to be good enough and that I really should just try my hardest to get the f*** over him and move on…., but I can’t!!!

      So yesterday was supposed to be the day that my sentencing went down and I would have had to go to jail until they transported me to Vandalia where the women’s diagnostic center is. There I will spend anywhere from 2-6 weeks getting oriented to the prison. From there some women stay in Vandalia and some or sent to Chillicothe Correctional Center and where I would spend my remaining time until I’m released. My only problem with that is my 3rd ex wife is at and that women has tried to kill me numerous times. I’m not the type of person to put my hands on someone but I will admit I’ve had to put my hands on her a few times bc she was trying to kill me. She shattered a glass lamp across my elbow 5 years ago and last year a Chunk of glass came out of my arm. I still have it as a reminder no it to fuck with that girl. I was kinda hoping they would wait to get my court cases over with until she was out but no they won’t. So if any of you get board and want something to do feel free to write me after the 16th I’ll be in Boone county jail after that I can look me up on inmate search just type my name Brooklyn Dugan is what is under or inmate number which is 1223573

No You Didn’t!!!!

I hate you I fucking hate you!!!! Why can’t I quit this mother fucker. He don’t deserve me or anything I do for him. Straight up he’s a piece of s*** he didn’t care when I had nobody to help me move. He didn’t care if I lost everything. Did he try to even help me? Fuck no!! I have dudes beating down my door trying to get with me and I pay none of them any attention because I’m head over heels for this f****** asshole. Why?? Why do I give a f***? why am I so deeply in love with this dude that don’t care what he does to me? Then again I’m the one that just keeps going back.

Time and time again he’s done nothing but showe how little he really cares about me. You would think by now I would just let him go and move on. Trust me I have tried. It’s alot easier said than done. Yesterday I found out that I have to go to prison to do a 120 (that means I have to go do a 4 month treatment) I told him I want to spend time with him before I go and he has blown me off all day. I need to just get the hint already and say fuck him and move on, but my heart won’t allow me too. Ive been seeing someone that I’ve known for a little bit and he’s been after me for a while now but has respectfully kept our running into each other strictly business and nothing more. A few weeks ago I was walking down the street when this person saw me, he stopped to see what was up we exchanged numbers and we have been talking a little bit here and there. I invited him over for dinner twice and both times I got stood up. Not bc he didn’t want to come but bc he had gotten busy and couldn’t get away, but still that’s the same crap my ex was doing except my ex was too busy cheating on me. But then dude invites me out of town and then completely ignores me ever since it’s like why ask me to go if you never really had any attention on me going. Getting to the point where you can’t trust anything anybody says me myself when I say I’m going to do something I do it I don’t say things I don’t mean I don’t feel people’s head up with lies I keep it 100 it doesn’t seem like anyone else around here can do that.

No Y9ou didnt

So I was thinking the all time question… Why do we lie? Some people lie to protect someone’s feelings, some people do it bc they ate; scared, and then there are people that do it just to hurt people. I personally think that lying is a BIG BIG NO NO in my book. I was in a recent relationship that was filled with nothing but lies. I found out that my ex was cheating on me the entire relationship. Not only was he with me but he was also sleeping with a person I considered a friend, hell more like a sister, and he didn’t stop there he slept with his ex, other girls that I knew. My gut kept telling me something was off. I would pour my heart out to him expressing my love for him and I would get “thanks” or just some half ass comment, but never anything heartfelt or mushy. I should have known right then and there he was using me and didn’t really love me. When the relationship came to an end not only did I feel really stupid but I felt like he had been laughing in my face the entire time. I put my all into that relationship and the shit I found out he did behind my back was and will forever mess with my head. Let’s just say I won’t trust anyone for a very very long time. But I’m sure that’s what he wanted. What makes me pissed off the most is everyone around me knew and not one person said anything to me. Let me say with friends like that who needs enemies.. After everything he’s done to me and said to me I should have wrote him off never to let him enter my thoughts, but I can’t!!! I truly loved him with all my heart, as since we have been broke up I’ve found out he’s done nothing but lie to me, blow me off and get this, he really expects me to sit around and wait while he goes off and shackes up with a 1 legged prostitute. I can’t help but wonder, what the hell has he done for me to want to wait on him. Not even a fraction of a sec and the answer pops into my head. Hell no!!! As a matter of fact all he’s done is make me hate him, never want to see him again. He has hurt me so deeply I don’t think I’ll ever really be able to heal from this. Now I’m not perfect by no means, and I can tell you everything I did that was wrong while in the relationship. 1. While he was in prison for 2 years I slept with 3 different guys. 2. He thinks I had one of them put it up in his face while locked up, but that never happened. 3. I wrote one of the guys and said some very inappropriate things to while he was locked up and my ex read it. 4. I accused him of cheating all the time. ( He was) 5. He didn’t like my mouth. I don’t sugar coat shit ever and I keep shit 100 . I don’t have to be fake or dishonest.. At the end of the day if I really wanted to be spiteful. I would have but it’s not worth it anymore, I never meant nothing to him anyway..

No you didnt

Have you ever been with a person you just fell head over heals for but for some odd reason they didn’t love you the same??. Well I have just recently had a relationship end that was this way. I was head over heals for him and he was just using me. I invested 3 years with this person and they are just gonna up and leave me…. I was like wtf. I’m still trying to get over all the hurt but after everything he did 3 months ain’t enough time!!! HAVE YOU EVER WANTED A PARTNER BACK EVEN THOUGH YOU KNOW THEY AREN’T GOOD FOR YOU??. ONCE AGAIN I can say I am guilty of this too, I’m pretty sure every person I’ve been with was no good for me but the worst they were the more I wanted them.. My last relationship was the most hurtful. I really thought this person I was with loved me and was true to me, and the only true thing he was… Was a dog. Looking back now a lot of his off the wall comments make more sense… I should have known something was wrong when I would pour my heart out to him and he would say thanks you. As much as it would hurt me that I got a thank u I was forever glad they didn’t just filled my head with lies.. oh wait.. so after having to go through all the hurt, and being embarrassed bc not only was he a dog but he was have sex with people who I thought were my friends, and pretty much anyone who would have sex with him. I would like to hear you’re worst break up story so please either leave a comment or post ur own worst break up moment.