Man Im stupid.

So I’m sitting hear reading text from my ex to other people. How he can even utter the words I love you to me. He does nothing but lie to me about how he feels and then he tells everyone else the real truth. Example…He don’t give a fuck about that bitch, she ain’t nothing but a hoe, she’s fucking everybody. He wishes I’d leave him the fuck alone and stay out of his life. Well that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I wish I was never a part of his life to being with I should have left his sorry ass in prison to rot. He had plenty of other bitches sending him money and writing him I was the stupid one for falling for his bullshit. I should have fucked everyone he accused me of fucking. I’m just glad I left when i did or I would have gotten what he had and the fucked up thing is he tried to blame me for it. When he was the only one I was fucking with the entire time he was out. I’ve been reading about hypnotism and I’m gonna see if there’s a doctor who could hypnotize me into forgetting about him. I want to erase every memory, every feeling, every thought. All of it I want someone to say his name and me be like who’s that. My gut told me he was a lier, my gut told me he didn’t love me, my gut told me to find someone better (Which wont be hard). I’m hoping I can get this doctor to do this ASAP I want to forget him as soon as possible. The person who he pretended to be with me and the person he really is, it’s like night and day. He’s now back with his ex and that’s were he needs to be. That bitch can’t tell the truth to save her life. Funny thing is he man recently got locked up and she would rather be with the other guy then him but until he gets out she’s not gonna leave bc she benefits alot being around him, he loses money along with other things that she finds and keeps. I feel they belong together bc they both are nothing but trash who pray on other people and as far as I’m concerned if being don’t work then I’m left with one other option. I wish I never would have started dating men. After all the shit I’ve been through in my life Im not a big guy fan. I feel like when I was with women I was much happier. Hell one he can tell his bitch now to stay home and she will. Me on the other hand will not. If you want to go out at 2 in the morning. Well guess what buddy I will too. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander that’s a model that I live by. But what hurts me the most is when I be talking to people that know both of us and I hear about how he’s been doing this and doing that and then when I asked him about it he lies to me it’s like his excuses I’m not trying to hurt nobody bro you’re hurting me worse by lying to my face then to tell me the truth I would respect you way more for telling me the truth because that means you have balls you can actually own up to the s*** that you do but to know that you lie straight to my face that’s p**** ass s*** that’s cowardly if I’m going to do something and someone ask me about it f*** yeah I’m going to own up to it I ain’t got no problem telling m************ I’ve done something and if I’m in the wrong I’m in the wrong I’ll apologize but I don’t lie I have no reason to lie I’m a grown ass adult that can do what the f*** I want when I want how I want where I want and if I feel like I got a lot of somebody about something then there ain’t no point in me doing it it’s just hurtful because I do so much for this person and all they do is s*** on me this person’s birthday was recently here it just passed and I know that they’ve been going through a lot of stress here lately so in order to make his birthday a little less stressful or his day a little less stressful I got a hotel room at a five-star hotel was going to take him out to eat I had no plans on him staying the night I didn’t want him to stay the night I just wanted to give him a few hours where he could chill relax take his mind off of everything and just be himself for a minute and the dude totally blew me the f*** off and that hurts and then he tries to tell me love you no you don’t you don’t want to be with me because you can’t cheat on me ever since he split up with me he tells me oh I’m coming back I’m coming back I’m coming back and then when he breaks up with his girl he goes back to his ex-wife who will lie about the color of her shoes like for no reason and I’m a good b**** to have I cook I clean I get my own money I’m a hustling ass mother f***** I can hustle anyone under the table and I do good business I do I make crafts I make I personalize furniture, I’m loyal I’m honest and when I’m with somebody man I will move mountains for those people I will do whatever it takes to make them happy and when it’s just me I spend my money on me I spoil myself but when I’m with somebody I spend my money on them I try to get them whatever they want you know just I tried to spoil them and make them happy and for my birthday he was out screwing the b**** he was cheating on me with left me at the sober house I had to stay at for my probation for 6 hours and didn’t even take me to do anything for my birthday and then I shell out this money to try to make his Day special and he blew me off like I wasn’t s*** that hurts so bad that I can’t even tell him I love him anymore because I don’t even know if I do he’s causing me so much hurt and pain that if you love somebody truly you wouldn’t cause them that you wouldn’t make them cry. I believe he has an addiction to sex and you know I’m one of those people that I can deal with that I could let you go do your thing as long as you kept everything 100 with me but he can’t do that and I’m tired of hurting I’m tired of trying to show somebody that I am what I say I am and that I would do anything for them just for them to blow me off like I’m nothing he’s got me to the lowest points that I’ve attempted suicide three times and that don’t even matter to him the other day I was so scared to go to sleep cuz I was afraid I wasn’t going to wake up and when I did all this stuff for his birthday and he didn’t show up that showed me right there how little he respected me or cared about me I just wish more than anything in the world I can remove him from my memory because it’s been almost a year and I still can’t be with another person I guess I’m not comfortable I’m not happy he’s hurt me so bad that I don’t think I could ever be with someone again just because I will question every f****** thing they say to me and the thing is is I told him this time and time again I don’t ask you questions cuz I want to know the answer I asked you questions because I already know I’m just going to I’m just trying to see if you’re going to lie to me and you do every time I deserve a man who’s going to put just as much efforgft into the relationship as I do I deserve a man who’s going to be faithful to me who actually loves me and doesn’t just say it their words words don’t mean a f****** thing to him they do to me he can put something on his kids life and won’t even stand on it it’s like really bro like that s*** serious to me and those of you that read this feel free to leave any comments or suggestions I’m really looking for somebody that can hypnotize me and pluck him out of my brain so that when I see him I don’t even know who he is maybe then I can get some peace in my life and possibly move on to another relationship that would actually benefit me but I’m not going to keep sitting here and let someone tell me that they love me his actions don’t match his words and I can’t do that I got to be with somebody who when they say I love you I know that they love me he’s always telling me you know I love you right Brooklyn and I just look at him and shake my head and I have the same answer every time no I don’t because your actions don’t match your words and I don’t go off with people say cuz I can’t believe a word that comes out of anybody’s mouth I go out their actions and your actions show me that you don’t give a f*** about me one time you give a f*** about me is if somebody’s trying to hit on me or get at me or actually that’s about it. Question and this is something that you guys can leave a comment for or write a story about and post it on my page I don’t care but I’ll I want to know why do we tend to go after people that don’t want us that treat us like s*** and I know a lot of people say because we want to try and change them but I don’t think that’s it I’m tired of putting all my effort and energy into somebody that won’t even do the same for me at the end of the day I know he’s nothing but a lying cheating a****** and I know that if we would ever get back together that’s exactly what he would do to me again. He gets me to my lowest point I’ve done nothing but try to show him that no matter what he can count on me I’ll always be here for him that I’m loyal I’m trustworthy and the only thing he’s done to me is lie to my face used me cheat on me steal for me try to f*** my best friend hell he’s trying to f*** all my friends he probably has f***** all my friends including my best friend it just hurts because I don’t know what I’ve done to him to be to be done like that

Never AGAIN!!!

So it was my ex’s birthday yesterday and I’m big about making people’s birthday special. I think that every person should have one day that they get to be treated like a king or queen, presents, taken out, you know the whole nine yards. So I planned a special night for him well I had asked you know for some special amenities so that when we went out We Could celebrated and not only did the son of a b**** stand me up but after he told me he would Definitely make sure and come by and that it was cool I made the plans he totally ditched me on the whole thing and decide to go do something else. He tells me that his kids were going to take him out to dinner and that may be true but this son of a b**** has lied to me every chance he gets so I don’t believe it I believe he went with some other b**** and did whatever he wanted to with her so here I am left with a nice ass room and dinner plans and nobody to go with me so I invite my best friend/roommate ask her if she likes to go of course she jumped on it. The second she sees the room she is absolutely astonished by it so I’m glad I could make her day but I myself stayed up till wee hours of the night trying to take my mind off of it and I can’t I got in the jacuzzi tub I try to relax take my mind off of it and the only thing that it makes me do is cry it’s like I try so hard to show this person how much I love and care for them it’s like the harder I try the more they push me away I mean I wanted to make his birthday special because on my birthday he was out screwing some other female and left me at home for 5 hours and that was actually the first time in our relationship that I called him and he didn’t answer his phone he was always good about no matter what time it was when I called he always answered and that’s why I knew he was cheating on me so instead of having a pity party I decided I was going to go downtown and possibly have a drink or two maybe get drunk, and I do just that I go to a bar I have a couple drinks and decide dermal done I’ve been wanting to get it done since my ex-wife of 9 years got into an altercation with me and knocked two of them out. So I happen to run into somebody at the bar long time friend hung out with them for a little bit they went with me to get my dermal done and I don’t know how many people can relate to this but I used to be a and instead of self-mutilating when I feel like cutting or burning myself I don’t get a tattoo or piercing and you wouldn’t be able to tell from my pictures but I’ve got 23 piercings in my face a couple other ones somewhere else and I’m covered in tattoos which at some point in time I will get those pictures posted up so that’s my way of relieving what tension I’ve got going on and I don’t self mutilate.. so I have forgotten I ordered him clothes for his birthday the whole outfit and I’m sitting there thinking if you can’t find 20 minutes out of your day to come see me so you can get your presents and do what you already told me we could do so that’s why I made these plans then why am I buying new stuff and trying so hard to do right by you to show you I care when you don’t even care so I canceled the birthday presents they weren’t going to arrive on his birthday anyway they were going to be a couple weeks late this time wouldn’t have been any different I just give up I’m tired of putting for so much effort with somebody who can’t even give me a tiniest bit of effort so that made my mind up last night but that’s it I’m done giving a s*** about him I’m done trying to get him to see that I’m the perfect female for him and all he’s going to do is keep going out here and get these b****** that are going to use him first off I don’t want nothing he has cuz I already got everything I need and if I don’t got it I can get it on my own I don’t need him to do anything for me besides be there for emotional support when I need it and you know do what a boyfriend supposed to do other than that I’m good but he wants to just go out here and do the most and think that he’s big s*** ain’t nothing going to touch him and he can do whatever and well this time when he ends up in prison he’s going to call me and he’s going to get hung up on when last time I answered every single one of his phone calls I put money on his books I wrote him faithfully I sent him cards man I blew up their male system not literally figuratively with cards so that way he felt like there was somebody out there that gave a s*** and the entire time he’s locked up he’s talking to other b****** having other b****** put money on his books and the hands up leaving me for the one that I had an altercation with while he was locked up and it gets me because now to each their own I do not judge people for their disabilities but there is a one-legged prostitute that lives in my city in she’s been on his nuts from day one and I have told her to stay away from him he’s mine and of course does she you know and then she ends up getting a letter from him because he tracks her down in prison writes her since her a clothing box and then start dating her well he’s still with me and this entire time I’m in treatment he tells me he’s at home taking care of my dog which he wasn’t he was living at a hotel with her lying to my face every time I called him and I’m pretty sure by now you’re wondering why the hell do I put up with someone who treats me like s*** all the time trust me I’m not a real big believer in God but I pray everyday that I could just not love him anymore that I can have the utmost disgust for him and I can’t no matter what s*** it’s making me cry right now he only helps me out when it benefits he’s only there for me to lies and lies and lies and lies and it’s like bro you don’t have to lie to me regardless of what you tell me I’m still going to love you but he’s too p**** to man up and actually be honest and that’s what gets me cuz I’ve got more balls than he does I’m just an honest person and it’s funny because I took psychology when I went to college my major was psychology I minded and sociology didn’t get my degree but I wanted to be a psychologist the people that diagnosed mental health disorders. But he thinks he’s so slick I knew every time he was cheating on me because every time he would he would get soaked self-defensive about what I was doing who I was with he would accuse me of f****** everybody and you knew I wasn’t he just he had a guilty conscience and then he would think I’m so stupid to believe the things that were coming out of his mouth but that was the truth bro first off I don’t ask you questions because I want to know the answer I asked you questions cuz I want to see if you’re going to lie to me and of course every time he does you know I told him time and time again I don’t accuse people of doing something I want less I know for fact they had done it and I get proof before I call anybody a liar or a cheat or a thief and I give him a chance to tell me the truth and I’d like to see if they’re going to man up have a set of balls and be able to tell me the truth or if they’re going to be a p**** and chicken out and lie to me and let’s just say he chickens out and lies to me every time makes me lose all respect for him because I can’t stand a liar. I just wish that my brain would just click and say hey b**** he is lying to you he’s continuing to lie to you stop loving him just leave him the f*** alone he’s no good for you he’s a piece of s*** but for some reason my brain just does not want to compute that factor and it keeps every time he’s nice to me for a couple days and I think maybe he’s decided that he’s going to change and I fall right back into his little f****** b******* ass traps no he’s on the same b******* I just wish I could get it through his head that he’s never going to find another female like me I’m like the best female for him with what he does and how he lives his life I don’t care about other females just as long as I’m number one and they know that I don’t care what you do as long as you’re honest with me as well as yourself I don’t want you going out and having sex with all these people simple things to ask I mean if he wants to have a threesome he can have a threesome you ain’t got to cheat on me we can do this s*** together hell if you want to do it on your own just let me know about it just keep it 100 but you know I gave you the same respect even though I’m not interested in anybody else until just here recently kind of dawned on me the other night that I really like somebody and they’re actually good to me. And it’s looking like you know he’s had all this time to pull his head out of his f****** ass and realize that hey maybe that chick really does love me maybe she is being 100 maybe I can’t trust her maybe I can you know be 100% honest with her and not going to receive any you know b******* about it to every man see that side of me because as of now I don’t want to be with him anymore I’m working on trying to get with this other person and since he didn’t want to go out to dinner with me or share the hotel room with me that I got I’m going to share it with this person maybe take them out to dinner go do something maybe go get some drinks an baffles me why he can’t see that I’m like the perfect woman to have I cook I clean my own money I have a job I support myself you know I don’t lie I don’t cheat I don’t steel I don’t care if you go out and have sex with another woman I’m going to go holler at somebody I’ll be back as long as you let that b**** know that she can’t come between us that I’m number one I’m cool with that. But he’s not going to get a chance to experience that because now he’s lost that chance he’s had ample opportunity and after going all out for him to celebrate his birthday he blows me off just to be a dick he really wasn’t with his kids he was with some other b**** and you know what when everything said and done and all these people turn on him and when he ends up getting caught up doing some dumb s*** he’s going to sit in prison thinking about damn if I would have just stayed with Brooklyn I wouldn’t be going through all this because when he tries to call me this time I’m not going to answer the phone I’m going to block his ass and hope that he never calls me again I don’t know when it’s going to get his ass out of his head and realize he had the perfect woman but because he’s a dog and can’t keep his dick in his pants or at least follow the rules that and either be open and honest about it and don’t lie to me cuz if you lie to me I consider that cheating you’re hiding something but he wants to be a dog and I’m pretty sure he has a sex addiction problem s and I’ve already been in one relationship with that problem but they couldn’t be honest or keep it 100 with me so I left them you know that’s all I ask for I give you complete honesty but if you want to go outside I can at least protect myself its stupid not using protection. I and he’s issue with that problem with my ex-wife because she claimed to be a lesbian but our time she cheated on me it was a dude. But she wouldn’t use protection and I found out that she was having unprotected sex with some people that you don’t want to have unprotected sex with so I had to end that relationship. But my ex man wants to go out and accuse me of being Unfaithful When he knows that I haven’t but he thinks that if he can find me doing something wrong then that justifies why he did what he did but I don’t see there being any justification and being a downright f****** piece of s*** because when you have a girl like me that is willing to let you do anything you want all you got to do is just be honest with her keep it 100 and you can’t even do that then you don’t deserve that girl or me he’s a dog because he has a sex addiction problem that he doesn’t want to admit to and even if he does in his eyes that’s him admitting that there’s something wrong with him and that’s worse than anything in his book He’s a narcissistic a****** in some sociopaths will never admit there’s anything wrong with them because they’re perfect and he thinks he is well buddy he had the perfect girl but he f***** it up by being a selfish a******he left me for a woman that constantly lies I mean you can ask her where she was born you can know where she’s born she can even know you know where she was born and she was still lie to you. She’s been known to work for the police I just don’t understand why he would even want someone like that in his life like rose lied to you about everything but he says that he’s comfortable in that situation? No what it is is the fact that she doesn’t give a s*** about what he does she’ll let him go out stay out all hours of the night do whatever he wants to do he can lie straight to her face she don’t care he’ll tell her he’s doing one thing he’s really doing another and he’s still will lie to her and she doesn’t care. So it has nothing to do with him being comfortable it has to do with the fact that she’ll let him get away with what he wants to get away with and I won’t but he still thinks that I’m going to be thankful to him because he’s not move on with my life and find somebody else who’s going to actually be there for me I’m done with him. I was really hurtful really f****** rude disrespectful and just makes him a s***** person so now the rest of his life when he regrets leaving me and the one day his senses finally kicking and his brain starts working and he realizes that I was right all this time he’s going to kick himself in the ass because he’s going to have no chance in hell if ever being with me again. That’s what happens when you do file that s*** to people who are doing nothing but trying to show you that they love you and are going to be there for you and have your back and since you can’t even be man enough to respect that you ain’t going to get that no more now not only is he missed out on the baddest b**** he’s totally lost any chance he ever had of being with somebody who didn’t want his money all the gifts the spoiling all I wanted was just him for his money the stuff that he got no f**** about him as a person so he can have all those fake ass b****** the only real mother f***** that he had is gone and wants nothing to do with this sorry f****** ass and you can’t be mad when he calls cuz he got caught up doing dumb s*** and ends up back in prison and tries to call me and I block his ass I won’t help him I want nothing from him all he does is lie to me he promises me all this s*** that he never delivers you know what’s really f***** up is for his birthday I had planned out this whole big thing where he thought he was going to have a big huge gift waiting for him but no when he walked in he was going to find me dead that was going to be his birthday present he had me feeling that low about myself he made me feel so worthless and he doesn’t even give a f*** I really should have gave him that for his birthday no just so everybody knows those are just words talking I don’t mean that now the idea I had yes I was going to do that but my best friend talked me out of it I got to the point where I feel like nobody gave a s*** about me and no matter how hard I tried nothing worked I felt like all I was doing was ruining other people’s lives but I came home one day and she’s like you’re really starting to scare me and she’s like I want you to know that I’m happy when you get off work just like I need you around so she talked me out of it for the moment there’s a lot more to that conversation but that’s a little bit more private and just what really makes me bad about that situation is he asked me for a threesome for his birthday and he had the audacity no cuz I didn’t even have the audacity cuz he didn’t even get a chance to ask but I know God damn good and well he was going to ask to have it with me and my best friend the b**** he was f****** behind my back when she was living in my house ingredient I knew it I just didn’t think she would do that to me after everything I’ve done for her and she still lies to my face about it’s like girl I know he did for one he admitted it for two when I was going to treatment I hit all her sex toys in my room and when I got back they were all in her room he had to give them to her so I know he was f****** her And she will never admit it because she thinks she’ll lose me as a friend and you don’t quite understand, I’m not really mad at her she might think I am but I would just like the truth regardless I’m still going to be her friend because I’m more mad at him than I am at her he use that to his advantage because he knew how she was and that kind of person is not a good person yes granted she should have been woman enough to say no no matter how bad off she was but the tables were turned no I wouldn’t have done the same thing but that’s the difference between me and her so my rant for todNo I was a little everywhereOn my blog todayI was mad and I was frustrated and I have ADHD so I kind of have a tendency to lose track of what I got going on but my main point was after trying to make someone’s Day special and going through all the trouble that I went through to make it special he didn’t even show up so clearly when he tells me he loves me his actions speak louder than his words and he lost the best thing that could have ever happened to him and instead of Manning up in doing what he needed to do he was a p**** and he lost his chance to ever f*** with me again and because of that this person who’s been helping me out here a lot lately I’m starting to really dig I didn’t know all this until last night. So don’t ever let anybody make you feel like you are not worked something I let this person get me so down that I tried to kill myself three times no I’m realizing he wasn’t even worth the three times. This entire time he’s been lying to me and f****** with my head to just get what he wants and he’s a selfish and considerate a****** if he was he wouldn’t do people like that if somebody planned a nice big event for me and had s*** you know for me and was wanting to spend time with me I would have dropped everything I was doing to go be with that person because that’s that’s what you do I wanted to make his birthday special because he didn’t make mine special he was out f****** some other b**** screwing a one-legged prostitute while I was stuck at home by myself crying my eyes out because he didn’t want to spend my birthday with me and the only thing he got me was a cheap ass $5 journal that you can get at a gas station that’s

The Brooklyn Times

Every have one of those days where you’re just pisses off at the whole world and you don’t even know why?? Except for I know why!!. I’m sick of being single and the person who I’m supposed to be with is with some rachet ass hoe who couldn’t tell the truth to save her life. She one of those people who have to lie to make herself seem interesting. Only problem is she could lie all she wants she still ain’t shit.. I can’t stand someone who has to make shit up to try and fit in.. I can’t for the life of me figure out WTF he sees in her. Besides the fact she could care less about him going out and cheating on her all the time. She lets him do whatever he wants and me I won’t I’ll say something to him. Like WTF!!. 2 nights in a row now he’s called and messaged me at 3,4 in the morning asking if I’m up. I don’t know how many more times I’m gonna have to tell him I go to bed early bc I work in the mornings. More or less o believe he does the shit on purpose just to say ” well I tried to come over but u didn’t answer.” I’m finally glad I’m over him. Now I just wish I could find someone to replace him. I’m so sick of being alone. I’m really picky when it come to who i would actually be with and now that I’ve went through the shit Maine put me through, I’m not sure I will ever be able to trust someone again. This dude took me to go get a marriage license, and then kept putting it off. Like I couldn’t tell he was making up reasons to not get married. That’s top of the line fuck with someone’s head for real. Especially since he already had been cheating on me for several months, actually I’m sure he cheated on me the entire time I was with him. The one that hurt the most was someone I consider to be my best friend. He said he fucked her ony bed to. Later that day he says he lied that he never fucked her. All I can say is my guy knows different first off I know my best friend sure she fucked him every time my back was turned. I know what kind of person she is and I can’t stand the fact she sits there and lies to my face, after everything I’ve done for her. Not to mention I stopped talking to her for a year bc I caught her stealing from me and when I asked her she lied right to my face. The other day I walked in our room and had caught her in my purse, she says she was looking for back to some earrings but not matter what the reason was she should have never gotten in my purse. I’d give her anything she asked for but she’s gotta ask first.

Fake it til I make it

So today I lied. Now wait. Let me explain. I don’t as texting my ex and when he said he didn’t want to see me, bc he didn’t want to see me cry…..well I had to let him know I’ve been done crying over you a long time ago. That shit hurt my feelers. Like WTF for real??!!. Your ass should have to not only deal with me CRYING but to actually sit down and talk to my ass and keep the shit 100. But it will never happen, bc he can’t keep shit real with his damn self let alone me.. He told me that bc I slept with 3 people while he was locked up. Which yes it was wrong but he was doing dirty shit behind my back with this bitch. He even went and picked her up from prison. When he got home from prison i didn’t do shit to deserve that shit. I wanted so bad for him to be the one. I wanted to spend my life making him Happy. But he was to busy letting other bitches and hoes make him happy. Man I can’t do lier’s especially when all I do is keep it 💯 with them. My heart still hurts. I lied to him and told him im Good with out him. I miss him and s*** like that but other than that I’m doing good not being cheated on lied to left at home by myself I would rather be single than have to go through all that b******* and then yesterday I’m sitting there it’s about 1:00 in the morning and my phone rings and lo and behold who is it him he pretends like he called the wrong number it starts asking for some other person by name when he knows damn good well he called my phone but I play along, and proceed to tell him it’s me he wants to ask how I’m doing and I just let him know that he can call whoever he was trying to get a hold of so I get off the phone and 5 minutes later he calls back and tells me he’s going to come by and see me the next day and his big thing that he does to me is when he says he’s going to come by and see me it’s always the next day and then when the next day comes he never shows up or he has to come up with some excuse or some lie and make it seem like he’s got more important things to do when all actuality he’s just a lying piece of s*** that has nothing to do and wants to make himself look busy so he don’t look desperate I could care less if you come by and see me or not the longer I go without seeing him the more I get over him that’s what I’m trying to do. I guess you can kind of say I am over him considering it don’t bother me no more when he lies because I expect it. it don’t surprise me when he doesn’t show up or keep a promise.. hell if he did I’d probably have a stroke. I love how men think us women are so dumb that we will just believe anything they tell us. News flash YOU SUCK AT LYING, I Don’t v ALWAYS BELIEVE EVERYTHING IM TOLD BC I NEVER BELIEVED YOUR ASS OR YOUR BULLSHIT MEN WILL Try To convince you that they are a good guy or a good friend when the entire time he’s fucking your girl behind your back while u at work. That’s some crazy shit. Men will fuck anything and I mean anything. You could cut a hole in a wall put a sign up that says free to Fuck and men wouldn’t even ask what’s on the other side they’d just Keep taking turns fucking that same hole. Men are so blind you can have the most perfect women and u will still find a reason to cheat on her. Instead you’d rather be with a bitch who lies through her teeth is fake as fuck, don’t even want to be with you only reason she is bc u have a car and her other dude’s locked up. She ain’t no good but yet u with her. Did ur IQ level drop 100 points. Well maybe one day he will get his shit together but by then it’s gonna be to late

Couldn’t be happier

So it’s been almost a week now that I haven’t tried to get ahold of my ex and I have to say stress levels are way down. Out till the neighborhood I be in all the time, and he didn’t even stop by and say hi, fuck you, nothing. When I saw him drive it off it really hurt my feelers. It made my already cold heart just a tad bit colder. I got home from work today and my bff tell’s me that he texted her phone last night asking how I was.???WTF WHY can’t you ask me yourself.?? I was so hurt and upset by that, I texted him asking that very question. And he never answered Of course. That’s bc he don’t give a shit about me. Everyone else is more important he puts them first but never me. I always get brushed to the side. That’s bc he thinks I’m just gonna wait for him no matter what. But he is living in a fairy tail bc if u can’t make me a priority then I’m sorry I don’t have time for u either. It’s cool I don’t want to see you Either. I’ve had my fill on cheating ASSHOLE. Especially ones who don’t give a fuck and who’ve made it a purpose to do whatever they can to hurt me I can’t stop crying atm. I just want to go to sleep


Here we go again. He acts like such a man child. I get a text message that says ” Don’t wait on me”. Really??? LoL bro sorry to break it to you but I haven’t been. I been and known everything you say is a lie. The fact he really thought I was sitting around waiting for him to come back after all the fucked up shit he’s done to me while we was together not to mention all the fucked up bullshit he’s put me through since we ain’t been together. Now he thinks he can tell me to move on bro let me let you in on a little secret. That’s been happened dude. I couldn’t help but laugh at that statement. He was dead serious about it too that’s what made it even funnier. This dude really thinks I’m about to sit around and wait for him while he goes out and screws everything in sight, and I’m supposed to be available whenever he wants to have sex. Sorry. For the first few months that we had broken up I was trying everything I could to get him back. Now I’m grateful he left me bc now I have a chance to find someone worth my time. It just pissed me off he wasted 3 years oy life with his bullshit and lies I could have been with someone else by now. I can sit around day after day wondering about all the what ifs. It comes down to this I’m a badass chick I’m a badass chick to have I will go above and beyond for mine and he simply was a piece of f****** s*** who doesn’t deserve a second glance another minute let alone a second of my life. my thoughts should be focused more on realizing he’s no good his intentions are were not good and when the words I love you comes out his mouth he’s not talking to me he’s talking to himself bc that’s all he really cares about. When I see the person who introduced us I’m going to cuss him out ttoo!!! even though it’s not his fault that the dude he introduced me to turn out to be a piece of s*** it’s his fault that he knew he was a piece of s*** and he still introduced me to him..

Life is a real B****

Ok so I’m over wanting to get back with my ex. I deserve way better and all I’m missing out on, is him cheating on me. I’m good. It felt so good to tell him no the other day when he asked if we could have sex, when I saw d no you can tell he got a little mad but he played it off like he didn’t give a shit. Yeah okay I read people way to well for him to lie to me but he keeps trying anyway. It makes me so mad when someone insults my intelligence and lies to me and things that I’m actually going to believe this s*** that’s coming out of their mouth and they keep doing it and doing it to the point where it’s just it’s sad that they can’t be even honest with themselves let alone someone else. It sucks after a break up bc I feep like I won’t be happy with anyone else, truth be told I’d probably be happier with someone else. I get to thinking that instead of trying to chase after the guy that I know is a lying cheating piece of s*** I can upgrade and find someone else who is not a lying cheating piece of s***. And I’m picky I have to have certain qualifications qualities and it seems like it’s going to be forever before I actually find somebody to be with and not be alone and that sucks because I’m a people person I was so lonely the other day just by myself for so long that actually thought about writing my ex-wife one who is very very abusive. I had to stop half way through the letter I was writing her and think about this… She tried to end my life on more than one occasion. She put a hatchet to my throat, she tried to hit me with a car, she did one time.. Anyway I thought about it and decided not to write her. I’m just lonely and will do anything to get Maine off my mind. I’m tired of watching him happy with his ex I need to be happy too. I just can’t get him out of my head. It effects my ability to be around other people and dating seems Impossible. I guess if I want to get anywhere I best put my big girl pants on get over it. I just keep reminding myself that he’s cheated on me 10+ times. I still cry everyday not bc I’m hurt but bc I feel so stupid for loving him, being faithful to him, hell just giving him my all when he was doing nothing but being a piece of shit. I was lost at the beginning of the break up but then started to see that this was a blessing if I would have married him that would have been my 4th divorce. Not to mention WHO THE FUCK WANTS TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO CHEATS ON THEM ALL THE TIME I HAD TO BEG HIM FOR SEX, and I’m not bad looking I definitely shouldn’t have to beg anyone for sex. But I still can’t go a day without talking to him.


How the fuck could you?!!??!! How can you call that bitch Mrs. Pate?? That’s supposed to be me. Not that fucking slut… Tell me what is it that she has or gives you that I can’t… I’ve been so depressed lately  That I even contemplated suicide I’m so depressed i’don’t depress I’m not happy I cry from the moment I wake up till I go to bed if I go to bed I’m sorry I’m so hurt. I can’t believe a single word anybody says to me. I’m always wondering what people’s motives are what’s their reason for being around me? Do they Actually wanna be with me and around me or are they just using me and just tolerating me and saying whatever they have to keep me around?.  My ex did  he got mad at me one time and told me that he fucked all my so called friends on my bed. I know he’s probably telling the truth. He you later says that he was just saying that hurt me but I know he really did. Plus I know my best friend she’s a fucking whore and she would fucking anybody for $2 so I know he did.  You know this guy tells me he loves me, but hes done nothing but hurt me, Lie to me, he cheated on me, he use me, he used me to come up, and then leave me and still hurts me when hes not even with me anymore.. Im a solid mother fucker for him and he doesn’t fucking deserve any of it at all. He doesn’t deserve my loyalty! He doesn’t deserve my love! Im solid as  a motherfucker for that dude and that dude has nothing but treat me like shit. Make me feel unimportant, like I don’t matter to him, hes hurt me in the worst way and I’m still a ride or die bitch for him. Hes never going to leave her. I’m wasting my time and energy and all he is doing is hurting me to the point I want to end my life because I’m so unhappy. ( please note just bc I’m that depressed and thought that would be a better option. I’ve worked through that and no longer feel thats a good choice. I knew that dude was a snake and I should have never been with him. He used me from the very start. He still strings me along just to fuck with me. I’m the stupid one bc i keep letting him do this to me. When. He does something fucked up again…..actually hes done enough already for me to just never speak to him again. I’m done I’m moving on and I have to stop all communication and seeing him I have to shut him out. Get over him. It shouldn’t be that hard after everything hes done to me. Outta sight outta mind. Lie to some other bitch and use them. I’m better then this and deserve better. Let’s see how he likes this shit..

The domino effect

So you guys have gotten to hear my rants about how life has been treating me here lately. Now I’m going to list out for you all the things that has happened to me in the last 6 months just so you can kind of get an idea of how shity shit has been. The first Domino that started to teeter back and forth was in December of 2019. That’s when my boss of 9 and 1/2 years fell ill giving a brief description of what was going on then. I worked for a 100% disabled gentleman. He was a quadra paraplegic amputee, who had been in a electrical accident and had been in a wheelchair for 47 years. It was my duty to care for him and help him with his everyday living activities. I did this every single day for 9 years. Making only $8 an hour. He was not an easy man to get along with. He was pissed off at the whole world, which I don’t blame him and we butted heads quite a bit for the first few years. My job details from the time I get there till the time I went home was I got to work at 8:00 p.m. I got him ready for bed. I would clean him, put him in pajamas get him into bed and throughout the night when he needed to use his urinal I would go get it and hold it for him so he can use the bathroom. When he wanted to roll over I would roll him over.  At 7:00 in the morning I got him up dressed and ready for the day made him breakfast and on days that I had a day shift I would go home at 8:00 or 9:00 in the morning. On days that I did not have a day shift I stayed there the entire day until I had to be at work that night. There were days that I worked every single day of the week. I did not get paid overtime I did not get holiday pay some days I would work 18 hours at one point in time I had worked 6 months straight every single day only making $8 an hour. Anyways in December my boss started getting a little forgetful and off balance just he wasn’t himself he didn’t act right he repeated himself he just was not himself my parents having been on a nursing home it seemed like to me he was getting a UTI. Anyway moving forward by March he had refused medical treatment four times I gotten to work and he was laying on the floor I told him I was calling 911 to get him assistance he needed it and that he was not going to be able to refuse to go to the hospital because he had to go I knew there was something seriously wrong with him and he needed to be checked out well come to find out he did have a UTI and he let it go for so long that it went septic and if I wouldn’t have sent him to the hospital that night he would have died and being that he was up there in years he went from the hospital to a nursing home and did not come back home so that right there was the start of my bad luck domino effect. The second thing to happen was the love of my life leaving me. The exact same day that DFS came and picked up my daughter that whole deal was a huge message my 17-year-old daughter created then after that I lose my house that I’ve looked at for 3 years because my boss’s children sold this property because he went to a nursing home so I had to move out of my house that I’ve lived in for 3years which then leads us to whereas now which is homeless. I got sentenced to DOC and they’re kind of brings me to here. then I start seein this person who eventually got me to let my guard down and i start to really like him and not to mention he lets me meet the kids who are absolutely the cutest things ever and what does he do? He goes ghosts on me. Stops answering the phone my texts everything. I finally find a place to live which is with my so-called cousin’s place which he’s not really my cousin he’s my 2nd ex wife’s cousin and he desides to keep what little stuff I have left and sell my car bc hes mad at me because he’s secretly has a crush on me and instead telling me, he gets mad and keeps all my s*** kicks me out to be homeless again keeps everything I f****** own down to my dog, fraudulently sign my ex-wife’s name to my title and sold my car out from underneath me. Now I have no transportation. When can I catch a break??? Will I ever catch a break? IT don’t really seem like it that is my rant for today I’m going to get off here

Can u have a relationship on the run

So I’ve mentioned before that I’ve kinda been seeing this person. Well I’m in my feeler box tonight or at least I have been for almost a week now. This person went goast on me and it’s not only really hurt my feelings but like really f****** my emotions I was really starting to like this person and you know now I just feel like everything that they said to me was nothing but the scam to get me in bed and then once they got me in bed now that’s over and done with they conquered their quest. Move on to the next. So why say all the bullshit lies, for example “I miss you”, ” I care about you”, “you’re the only one I’ve been with”. Lol. Hahahahaha that one gets me every time.. only one my ass maybe today, but u fuckin other bitches too let keep it 100. If all you want to do is fuck no strings attached.. say so. I can be cool with that. If for some odd reason you catch feelings then we can come to that later. But don’t sit there and tell me you care about me when you and I both know that’s not even true it’s wrong to f*** with someone else’s mental stability it’s actually just wrong to lie to anybody about anything why can’t people just keep it 100 tell it like it is and if the other person doesn’t like it move on okay well obviously this is not suited for you but why does people have to manipulate and con and hurt other people it just doesn’t make sense to me. It has been 16 years the 20th that I have been with men when my 16-year-old son was born I came out of the closet I left the father of my kids and I got with a woman which only later on got me kicked out of my parents house but you know how parents can be when they’re only daughter walks down the stairs saying hey I’m a lesbian with her girlfriend following right behind her. I have been with women my entire life all up until 3 years ago when I met my ex who is a dude and I don’t know what it is about him or what it was about him and I tell this to his face all the time but from the day I met him I was head over heels in love with him I would do just about anything for him and I know that it’s not the same for him and I still want to be with him anyway that’s a little off topic. I just recently started dating guys and as you know from reading my prior blogsI’m just freshly out of my recent relationship with my ex we’ve been split up for 6 months, and just about a month ago I started talking to this person that I’ve been knowing and have been interested in for quite some time but because I was already in a relationship and I’m loyal and faithful I couldn’t pursue getting to know those other person so this other person starts showing interest in me and I’m trying to kick it with them and hang out to the point where I’m pretty sure you can tell that I’m uncomfortable especially when I go to be dropped off back at my house or he goes to bring me home or something I just hop out the car say bye and leave in a normal dating relationship you probably give your person that you’re dating a kiss or a hug goodbye to where I don’t. I feel like I’m still doing something wrong and then I finally start letting my guard down a little at a time because I’m seeing said person more and more and then one day a week ago he says he gets a night job and now he’s went ghost on me. So I start letting my guard down I start letting myself feel some kind of emotion for this person and the minute I do they up and burn out and completely ignore my phone calls text messages and act like I don’t exist which only makes me want to put my guard back up and not date anybody ever again. People wonder why I don’t like to talk or open up or show emotion or any kind of feeling towards anything at all this is why every time I do I get lied, to f***** over, cheated on, stood up, brushed off, I can go on for days. This is the way I see it if a mother f***** don’t want to be with me for the me I am and not to me they would like me to be then I don’t need them I’ve been doing this rodeo all by myself for 39 years already and I’ve been doing a damn good job of it on my own so far so really don’t need nobody else the fact that I don’t need them and I choose to have these people in my life you should mean a lot but clearly it don’t no matter how hard you try for a m*********** no matter how loyal you are at the end of the day the only thing that matters to other people is themselves