Would they have missed me.

First off I want to start off by thanking my daughter KAYDENCE GRIFFIN for saving my life after my dumbass attempted to try and end it I know she probably thinks I’m upset with her but I’m not she was doing what she thought was right and if it wouldn’t have been for her there’s a great possibility that I wouldn’t even be writing this right now. I attempted suicide the other day took a bunch of pills. My daughter got word of it told me she wanted my address so she could come and see me and the next thing I know there is an ambulance standing at the door along with the police and after I told them what I’ve done and they took my blood pressure and my vitals they immediately put me in the ambulance and took me to the hospital and due to my past drug abuse. (I used to be an IV drug user but I’ve been cleaning out the needle for 2 years) they had a very difficult time getting an IV started I told him they were going to have to go through my neck but they didn’t believe me so after being poked and prodded for 20 minutes I finally told them to please go through my neck or not to give me an IV. So finally they went through my neck which now I have a huge bruise. My 2nd ex wife was supposed to have followed the ambulance to the hospital but when I got there and realized she still hadn’t been there I called to find out where she was at she said she ran out of gas then when I send some people to help her to give her gas she didn’t decide that she don’t want it and she had already gotten a hold of her brothers supposedly and they were going to bring her gas well while I was in the hospital somebody stole $250 Of my money and the only two people that could have done it was my best friend or my ex-wife and what irritates the piss out of me the most is the fact that I was going through a traumatic event and they use that as a reason to steal from me. They thought for one that I was going to jail afterwards so they didn’t think I’d be coming back to the house so when I get back I started going through my stuff and can’t find my money I start asking questions nobody wants to be honest with me about it each one wants to blame the other so I felt like the only thing that would be fair was for both of them to split the difference split the cost until one of them comes clean and tells me they took it which I highly doubt will ever happen. I really don’t know who to believe or who to trust because both of them have done me dirty in the past my supposed best friend has done me really dirty and my second ex-wife who is still really good friends with me has also done me pretty f***** up in the past so neither one of them are in good standing with me when it comes to being able to tell me something and I believe them. It really hurts me that I’m going through a really tough time right now and they use that to take advantage of me and steal from me. Everybody keeps trying to say that it’s my best friend but my gut tells me otherwise it’s just the way the events played out and how my ex-wife acted when she told me she ran out of gas well I send people to go give her gas money or gas and she didn’t want it it’s just here lately a lot of her stories just don’t add up and she uses me for one thing in particular and if she was my friend truly my friend she would offered you know help me out a little bit or pitch in a little bit or throw me some money cuz she doesn’t broke or just anything like that if she never does as a matter of fact I have to check her sometimes and let her know just how greedy she’s being and then and only then does something change a little bit but not much. I think what hurts me the most though is being at the hospital and the two people that were supposed to be there by my side either one of them showed up which tells me that neither one of them really gave a f*** cared or thought that I was important enough to be there for and that’s where I got my title for my blog today because I wonder if I would have actually died would it even matter to them specifically more one person than the other my ex-wife is still a really good friend of mine but for my ex who as you guys know I’m still head over heels in love with would it even make a difference to him would it hurt him would he be hurt by it but he even cry what do you miss me what he even show up to my funeral my gut tells me the answer to those questions are all no and that’s what hurts I feel like everyday I’m being played for a fool I feel like I’m being used and I feel like that everything that is said to me is a lie he tells me all the time you know I love you right and my answer is the same every single time no I don’t because actions speak louder than words and your actions don’t match your words I just want to find somebody who I can be with that their actions match their words that’s all I want and I’m 39 years old and I’ve yet to find that with that being said I think I’m done venting for the night

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