Man Im stupid.

So I’m sitting hear reading text from my ex to other people. How he can even utter the words I love you to me. He does nothing but lie to me about how he feels and then he tells everyone else the real truth. Example…He don’t give a fuck about that bitch, she ain’t nothing but a hoe, she’s fucking everybody. He wishes I’d leave him the fuck alone and stay out of his life. Well that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I wish I was never a part of his life to being with I should have left his sorry ass in prison to rot. He had plenty of other bitches sending him money and writing him I was the stupid one for falling for his bullshit. I should have fucked everyone he accused me of fucking. I’m just glad I left when i did or I would have gotten what he had and the fucked up thing is he tried to blame me for it. When he was the only one I was fucking with the entire time he was out. I’ve been reading about hypnotism and I’m gonna see if there’s a doctor who could hypnotize me into forgetting about him. I want to erase every memory, every feeling, every thought. All of it I want someone to say his name and me be like who’s that. My gut told me he was a lier, my gut told me he didn’t love me, my gut told me to find someone better (Which wont be hard). I’m hoping I can get this doctor to do this ASAP I want to forget him as soon as possible. The person who he pretended to be with me and the person he really is, it’s like night and day. He’s now back with his ex and that’s were he needs to be. That bitch can’t tell the truth to save her life. Funny thing is he man recently got locked up and she would rather be with the other guy then him but until he gets out she’s not gonna leave bc she benefits alot being around him, he loses money along with other things that she finds and keeps. I feel they belong together bc they both are nothing but trash who pray on other people and as far as I’m concerned if being don’t work then I’m left with one other option. I wish I never would have started dating men. After all the shit I’ve been through in my life Im not a big guy fan. I feel like when I was with women I was much happier. Hell one he can tell his bitch now to stay home and she will. Me on the other hand will not. If you want to go out at 2 in the morning. Well guess what buddy I will too. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander that’s a model that I live by. But what hurts me the most is when I be talking to people that know both of us and I hear about how he’s been doing this and doing that and then when I asked him about it he lies to me it’s like his excuses I’m not trying to hurt nobody bro you’re hurting me worse by lying to my face then to tell me the truth I would respect you way more for telling me the truth because that means you have balls you can actually own up to the s*** that you do but to know that you lie straight to my face that’s p**** ass s*** that’s cowardly if I’m going to do something and someone ask me about it f*** yeah I’m going to own up to it I ain’t got no problem telling m************ I’ve done something and if I’m in the wrong I’m in the wrong I’ll apologize but I don’t lie I have no reason to lie I’m a grown ass adult that can do what the f*** I want when I want how I want where I want and if I feel like I got a lot of somebody about something then there ain’t no point in me doing it it’s just hurtful because I do so much for this person and all they do is s*** on me this person’s birthday was recently here it just passed and I know that they’ve been going through a lot of stress here lately so in order to make his birthday a little less stressful or his day a little less stressful I got a hotel room at a five-star hotel was going to take him out to eat I had no plans on him staying the night I didn’t want him to stay the night I just wanted to give him a few hours where he could chill relax take his mind off of everything and just be himself for a minute and the dude totally blew me the f*** off and that hurts and then he tries to tell me love you no you don’t you don’t want to be with me because you can’t cheat on me ever since he split up with me he tells me oh I’m coming back I’m coming back I’m coming back and then when he breaks up with his girl he goes back to his ex-wife who will lie about the color of her shoes like for no reason and I’m a good b**** to have I cook I clean I get my own money I’m a hustling ass mother f***** I can hustle anyone under the table and I do good business I do I make crafts I make I personalize furniture, I’m loyal I’m honest and when I’m with somebody man I will move mountains for those people I will do whatever it takes to make them happy and when it’s just me I spend my money on me I spoil myself but when I’m with somebody I spend my money on them I try to get them whatever they want you know just I tried to spoil them and make them happy and for my birthday he was out screwing the b**** he was cheating on me with left me at the sober house I had to stay at for my probation for 6 hours and didn’t even take me to do anything for my birthday and then I shell out this money to try to make his Day special and he blew me off like I wasn’t s*** that hurts so bad that I can’t even tell him I love him anymore because I don’t even know if I do he’s causing me so much hurt and pain that if you love somebody truly you wouldn’t cause them that you wouldn’t make them cry. I believe he has an addiction to sex and you know I’m one of those people that I can deal with that I could let you go do your thing as long as you kept everything 100 with me but he can’t do that and I’m tired of hurting I’m tired of trying to show somebody that I am what I say I am and that I would do anything for them just for them to blow me off like I’m nothing he’s got me to the lowest points that I’ve attempted suicide three times and that don’t even matter to him the other day I was so scared to go to sleep cuz I was afraid I wasn’t going to wake up and when I did all this stuff for his birthday and he didn’t show up that showed me right there how little he respected me or cared about me I just wish more than anything in the world I can remove him from my memory because it’s been almost a year and I still can’t be with another person I guess I’m not comfortable I’m not happy he’s hurt me so bad that I don’t think I could ever be with someone again just because I will question every f****** thing they say to me and the thing is is I told him this time and time again I don’t ask you questions cuz I want to know the answer I asked you questions because I already know I’m just going to I’m just trying to see if you’re going to lie to me and you do every time I deserve a man who’s going to put just as much efforgft into the relationship as I do I deserve a man who’s going to be faithful to me who actually loves me and doesn’t just say it their words words don’t mean a f****** thing to him they do to me he can put something on his kids life and won’t even stand on it it’s like really bro like that s*** serious to me and those of you that read this feel free to leave any comments or suggestions I’m really looking for somebody that can hypnotize me and pluck him out of my brain so that when I see him I don’t even know who he is maybe then I can get some peace in my life and possibly move on to another relationship that would actually benefit me but I’m not going to keep sitting here and let someone tell me that they love me his actions don’t match his words and I can’t do that I got to be with somebody who when they say I love you I know that they love me he’s always telling me you know I love you right Brooklyn and I just look at him and shake my head and I have the same answer every time no I don’t because your actions don’t match your words and I don’t go off with people say cuz I can’t believe a word that comes out of anybody’s mouth I go out their actions and your actions show me that you don’t give a f*** about me one time you give a f*** about me is if somebody’s trying to hit on me or get at me or actually that’s about it. Question and this is something that you guys can leave a comment for or write a story about and post it on my page I don’t care but I’ll I want to know why do we tend to go after people that don’t want us that treat us like s*** and I know a lot of people say because we want to try and change them but I don’t think that’s it I’m tired of putting all my effort and energy into somebody that won’t even do the same for me at the end of the day I know he’s nothing but a lying cheating a****** and I know that if we would ever get back together that’s exactly what he would do to me again. He gets me to my lowest point I’ve done nothing but try to show him that no matter what he can count on me I’ll always be here for him that I’m loyal I’m trustworthy and the only thing he’s done to me is lie to my face used me cheat on me steal for me try to f*** my best friend hell he’s trying to f*** all my friends he probably has f***** all my friends including my best friend it just hurts because I don’t know what I’ve done to him to be to be done like that

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