Never AGAIN!!!

So it was my ex’s birthday yesterday and I’m big about making people’s birthday special. I think that every person should have one day that they get to be treated like a king or queen, presents, taken out, you know the whole nine yards. So I planned a special night for him well I had asked you know for some special amenities so that when we went out We Could celebrated and not only did the son of a b**** stand me up but after he told me he would Definitely make sure and come by and that it was cool I made the plans he totally ditched me on the whole thing and decide to go do something else. He tells me that his kids were going to take him out to dinner and that may be true but this son of a b**** has lied to me every chance he gets so I don’t believe it I believe he went with some other b**** and did whatever he wanted to with her so here I am left with a nice ass room and dinner plans and nobody to go with me so I invite my best friend/roommate ask her if she likes to go of course she jumped on it. The second she sees the room she is absolutely astonished by it so I’m glad I could make her day but I myself stayed up till wee hours of the night trying to take my mind off of it and I can’t I got in the jacuzzi tub I try to relax take my mind off of it and the only thing that it makes me do is cry it’s like I try so hard to show this person how much I love and care for them it’s like the harder I try the more they push me away I mean I wanted to make his birthday special because on my birthday he was out screwing some other female and left me at home for 5 hours and that was actually the first time in our relationship that I called him and he didn’t answer his phone he was always good about no matter what time it was when I called he always answered and that’s why I knew he was cheating on me so instead of having a pity party I decided I was going to go downtown and possibly have a drink or two maybe get drunk, and I do just that I go to a bar I have a couple drinks and decide dermal done I’ve been wanting to get it done since my ex-wife of 9 years got into an altercation with me and knocked two of them out. So I happen to run into somebody at the bar long time friend hung out with them for a little bit they went with me to get my dermal done and I don’t know how many people can relate to this but I used to be a and instead of self-mutilating when I feel like cutting or burning myself I don’t get a tattoo or piercing and you wouldn’t be able to tell from my pictures but I’ve got 23 piercings in my face a couple other ones somewhere else and I’m covered in tattoos which at some point in time I will get those pictures posted up so that’s my way of relieving what tension I’ve got going on and I don’t self mutilate.. so I have forgotten I ordered him clothes for his birthday the whole outfit and I’m sitting there thinking if you can’t find 20 minutes out of your day to come see me so you can get your presents and do what you already told me we could do so that’s why I made these plans then why am I buying new stuff and trying so hard to do right by you to show you I care when you don’t even care so I canceled the birthday presents they weren’t going to arrive on his birthday anyway they were going to be a couple weeks late this time wouldn’t have been any different I just give up I’m tired of putting for so much effort with somebody who can’t even give me a tiniest bit of effort so that made my mind up last night but that’s it I’m done giving a s*** about him I’m done trying to get him to see that I’m the perfect female for him and all he’s going to do is keep going out here and get these b****** that are going to use him first off I don’t want nothing he has cuz I already got everything I need and if I don’t got it I can get it on my own I don’t need him to do anything for me besides be there for emotional support when I need it and you know do what a boyfriend supposed to do other than that I’m good but he wants to just go out here and do the most and think that he’s big s*** ain’t nothing going to touch him and he can do whatever and well this time when he ends up in prison he’s going to call me and he’s going to get hung up on when last time I answered every single one of his phone calls I put money on his books I wrote him faithfully I sent him cards man I blew up their male system not literally figuratively with cards so that way he felt like there was somebody out there that gave a s*** and the entire time he’s locked up he’s talking to other b****** having other b****** put money on his books and the hands up leaving me for the one that I had an altercation with while he was locked up and it gets me because now to each their own I do not judge people for their disabilities but there is a one-legged prostitute that lives in my city in she’s been on his nuts from day one and I have told her to stay away from him he’s mine and of course does she you know and then she ends up getting a letter from him because he tracks her down in prison writes her since her a clothing box and then start dating her well he’s still with me and this entire time I’m in treatment he tells me he’s at home taking care of my dog which he wasn’t he was living at a hotel with her lying to my face every time I called him and I’m pretty sure by now you’re wondering why the hell do I put up with someone who treats me like s*** all the time trust me I’m not a real big believer in God but I pray everyday that I could just not love him anymore that I can have the utmost disgust for him and I can’t no matter what s*** it’s making me cry right now he only helps me out when it benefits he’s only there for me to lies and lies and lies and lies and it’s like bro you don’t have to lie to me regardless of what you tell me I’m still going to love you but he’s too p**** to man up and actually be honest and that’s what gets me cuz I’ve got more balls than he does I’m just an honest person and it’s funny because I took psychology when I went to college my major was psychology I minded and sociology didn’t get my degree but I wanted to be a psychologist the people that diagnosed mental health disorders. But he thinks he’s so slick I knew every time he was cheating on me because every time he would he would get soaked self-defensive about what I was doing who I was with he would accuse me of f****** everybody and you knew I wasn’t he just he had a guilty conscience and then he would think I’m so stupid to believe the things that were coming out of his mouth but that was the truth bro first off I don’t ask you questions because I want to know the answer I asked you questions cuz I want to see if you’re going to lie to me and of course every time he does you know I told him time and time again I don’t accuse people of doing something I want less I know for fact they had done it and I get proof before I call anybody a liar or a cheat or a thief and I give him a chance to tell me the truth and I’d like to see if they’re going to man up have a set of balls and be able to tell me the truth or if they’re going to be a p**** and chicken out and lie to me and let’s just say he chickens out and lies to me every time makes me lose all respect for him because I can’t stand a liar. I just wish that my brain would just click and say hey b**** he is lying to you he’s continuing to lie to you stop loving him just leave him the f*** alone he’s no good for you he’s a piece of s*** but for some reason my brain just does not want to compute that factor and it keeps every time he’s nice to me for a couple days and I think maybe he’s decided that he’s going to change and I fall right back into his little f****** b******* ass traps no he’s on the same b******* I just wish I could get it through his head that he’s never going to find another female like me I’m like the best female for him with what he does and how he lives his life I don’t care about other females just as long as I’m number one and they know that I don’t care what you do as long as you’re honest with me as well as yourself I don’t want you going out and having sex with all these people simple things to ask I mean if he wants to have a threesome he can have a threesome you ain’t got to cheat on me we can do this s*** together hell if you want to do it on your own just let me know about it just keep it 100 but you know I gave you the same respect even though I’m not interested in anybody else until just here recently kind of dawned on me the other night that I really like somebody and they’re actually good to me. And it’s looking like you know he’s had all this time to pull his head out of his f****** ass and realize that hey maybe that chick really does love me maybe she is being 100 maybe I can’t trust her maybe I can you know be 100% honest with her and not going to receive any you know b******* about it to every man see that side of me because as of now I don’t want to be with him anymore I’m working on trying to get with this other person and since he didn’t want to go out to dinner with me or share the hotel room with me that I got I’m going to share it with this person maybe take them out to dinner go do something maybe go get some drinks an baffles me why he can’t see that I’m like the perfect woman to have I cook I clean my own money I have a job I support myself you know I don’t lie I don’t cheat I don’t steel I don’t care if you go out and have sex with another woman I’m going to go holler at somebody I’ll be back as long as you let that b**** know that she can’t come between us that I’m number one I’m cool with that. But he’s not going to get a chance to experience that because now he’s lost that chance he’s had ample opportunity and after going all out for him to celebrate his birthday he blows me off just to be a dick he really wasn’t with his kids he was with some other b**** and you know what when everything said and done and all these people turn on him and when he ends up getting caught up doing some dumb s*** he’s going to sit in prison thinking about damn if I would have just stayed with Brooklyn I wouldn’t be going through all this because when he tries to call me this time I’m not going to answer the phone I’m going to block his ass and hope that he never calls me again I don’t know when it’s going to get his ass out of his head and realize he had the perfect woman but because he’s a dog and can’t keep his dick in his pants or at least follow the rules that and either be open and honest about it and don’t lie to me cuz if you lie to me I consider that cheating you’re hiding something but he wants to be a dog and I’m pretty sure he has a sex addiction problem s and I’ve already been in one relationship with that problem but they couldn’t be honest or keep it 100 with me so I left them you know that’s all I ask for I give you complete honesty but if you want to go outside I can at least protect myself its stupid not using protection. I and he’s issue with that problem with my ex-wife because she claimed to be a lesbian but our time she cheated on me it was a dude. But she wouldn’t use protection and I found out that she was having unprotected sex with some people that you don’t want to have unprotected sex with so I had to end that relationship. But my ex man wants to go out and accuse me of being Unfaithful When he knows that I haven’t but he thinks that if he can find me doing something wrong then that justifies why he did what he did but I don’t see there being any justification and being a downright f****** piece of s*** because when you have a girl like me that is willing to let you do anything you want all you got to do is just be honest with her keep it 100 and you can’t even do that then you don’t deserve that girl or me he’s a dog because he has a sex addiction problem that he doesn’t want to admit to and even if he does in his eyes that’s him admitting that there’s something wrong with him and that’s worse than anything in his book He’s a narcissistic a****** in some sociopaths will never admit there’s anything wrong with them because they’re perfect and he thinks he is well buddy he had the perfect girl but he f***** it up by being a selfish a******he left me for a woman that constantly lies I mean you can ask her where she was born you can know where she’s born she can even know you know where she was born and she was still lie to you. She’s been known to work for the police I just don’t understand why he would even want someone like that in his life like rose lied to you about everything but he says that he’s comfortable in that situation? No what it is is the fact that she doesn’t give a s*** about what he does she’ll let him go out stay out all hours of the night do whatever he wants to do he can lie straight to her face she don’t care he’ll tell her he’s doing one thing he’s really doing another and he’s still will lie to her and she doesn’t care. So it has nothing to do with him being comfortable it has to do with the fact that she’ll let him get away with what he wants to get away with and I won’t but he still thinks that I’m going to be thankful to him because he’s not move on with my life and find somebody else who’s going to actually be there for me I’m done with him. I was really hurtful really f****** rude disrespectful and just makes him a s***** person so now the rest of his life when he regrets leaving me and the one day his senses finally kicking and his brain starts working and he realizes that I was right all this time he’s going to kick himself in the ass because he’s going to have no chance in hell if ever being with me again. That’s what happens when you do file that s*** to people who are doing nothing but trying to show you that they love you and are going to be there for you and have your back and since you can’t even be man enough to respect that you ain’t going to get that no more now not only is he missed out on the baddest b**** he’s totally lost any chance he ever had of being with somebody who didn’t want his money all the gifts the spoiling all I wanted was just him for his money the stuff that he got no f**** about him as a person so he can have all those fake ass b****** the only real mother f***** that he had is gone and wants nothing to do with this sorry f****** ass and you can’t be mad when he calls cuz he got caught up doing dumb s*** and ends up back in prison and tries to call me and I block his ass I won’t help him I want nothing from him all he does is lie to me he promises me all this s*** that he never delivers you know what’s really f***** up is for his birthday I had planned out this whole big thing where he thought he was going to have a big huge gift waiting for him but no when he walked in he was going to find me dead that was going to be his birthday present he had me feeling that low about myself he made me feel so worthless and he doesn’t even give a f*** I really should have gave him that for his birthday no just so everybody knows those are just words talking I don’t mean that now the idea I had yes I was going to do that but my best friend talked me out of it I got to the point where I feel like nobody gave a s*** about me and no matter how hard I tried nothing worked I felt like all I was doing was ruining other people’s lives but I came home one day and she’s like you’re really starting to scare me and she’s like I want you to know that I’m happy when you get off work just like I need you around so she talked me out of it for the moment there’s a lot more to that conversation but that’s a little bit more private and just what really makes me bad about that situation is he asked me for a threesome for his birthday and he had the audacity no cuz I didn’t even have the audacity cuz he didn’t even get a chance to ask but I know God damn good and well he was going to ask to have it with me and my best friend the b**** he was f****** behind my back when she was living in my house ingredient I knew it I just didn’t think she would do that to me after everything I’ve done for her and she still lies to my face about it’s like girl I know he did for one he admitted it for two when I was going to treatment I hit all her sex toys in my room and when I got back they were all in her room he had to give them to her so I know he was f****** her And she will never admit it because she thinks she’ll lose me as a friend and you don’t quite understand, I’m not really mad at her she might think I am but I would just like the truth regardless I’m still going to be her friend because I’m more mad at him than I am at her he use that to his advantage because he knew how she was and that kind of person is not a good person yes granted she should have been woman enough to say no no matter how bad off she was but the tables were turned no I wouldn’t have done the same thing but that’s the difference between me and her so my rant for todNo I was a little everywhereOn my blog todayI was mad and I was frustrated and I have ADHD so I kind of have a tendency to lose track of what I got going on but my main point was after trying to make someone’s Day special and going through all the trouble that I went through to make it special he didn’t even show up so clearly when he tells me he loves me his actions speak louder than his words and he lost the best thing that could have ever happened to him and instead of Manning up in doing what he needed to do he was a p**** and he lost his chance to ever f*** with me again and because of that this person who’s been helping me out here a lot lately I’m starting to really dig I didn’t know all this until last night. So don’t ever let anybody make you feel like you are not worked something I let this person get me so down that I tried to kill myself three times no I’m realizing he wasn’t even worth the three times. This entire time he’s been lying to me and f****** with my head to just get what he wants and he’s a selfish and considerate a****** if he was he wouldn’t do people like that if somebody planned a nice big event for me and had s*** you know for me and was wanting to spend time with me I would have dropped everything I was doing to go be with that person because that’s that’s what you do I wanted to make his birthday special because he didn’t make mine special he was out f****** some other b**** screwing a one-legged prostitute while I was stuck at home by myself crying my eyes out because he didn’t want to spend my birthday with me and the only thing he got me was a cheap ass $5 journal that you can get at a gas station that’s

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