Life is a real B****

Ok so I’m over wanting to get back with my ex. I deserve way better and all I’m missing out on, is him cheating on me. I’m good. It felt so good to tell him no the other day when he asked if we could have sex, when I saw d no you can tell he got a little mad but he played it off like he didn’t give a shit. Yeah okay I read people way to well for him to lie to me but he keeps trying anyway. It makes me so mad when someone insults my intelligence and lies to me and things that I’m actually going to believe this s*** that’s coming out of their mouth and they keep doing it and doing it to the point where it’s just it’s sad that they can’t be even honest with themselves let alone someone else. It sucks after a break up bc I feep like I won’t be happy with anyone else, truth be told I’d probably be happier with someone else. I get to thinking that instead of trying to chase after the guy that I know is a lying cheating piece of s*** I can upgrade and find someone else who is not a lying cheating piece of s***. And I’m picky I have to have certain qualifications qualities and it seems like it’s going to be forever before I actually find somebody to be with and not be alone and that sucks because I’m a people person I was so lonely the other day just by myself for so long that actually thought about writing my ex-wife one who is very very abusive. I had to stop half way through the letter I was writing her and think about this… She tried to end my life on more than one occasion. She put a hatchet to my throat, she tried to hit me with a car, she did one time.. Anyway I thought about it and decided not to write her. I’m just lonely and will do anything to get Maine off my mind. I’m tired of watching him happy with his ex I need to be happy too. I just can’t get him out of my head. It effects my ability to be around other people and dating seems Impossible. I guess if I want to get anywhere I best put my big girl pants on get over it. I just keep reminding myself that he’s cheated on me 10+ times. I still cry everyday not bc I’m hurt but bc I feel so stupid for loving him, being faithful to him, hell just giving him my all when he was doing nothing but being a piece of shit. I was lost at the beginning of the break up but then started to see that this was a blessing if I would have married him that would have been my 4th divorce. Not to mention WHO THE FUCK WANTS TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO CHEATS ON THEM ALL THE TIME I HAD TO BEG HIM FOR SEX, and I’m not bad looking I definitely shouldn’t have to beg anyone for sex. But I still can’t go a day without talking to him.

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