LOYALTY….

Question for all of you… If your significant other was in trouble would you lie for them?? MY answer, is yes I will go to any links or measures to make sure my significant other didn’t get into trouble. When it comes to the person I am with, I go hard for them. which means I ride for mine. When it comes to my children or the person that I am with that woman I go hard for them.. let’s just say if we both got arrested ain’t no cop going to get me to roll on my significant other and they definitely ain’t going to get a statement out of me that’s for damn sure. When u love someone you’re supposed to protect them from anything that could hurt them regardless of what it is. To me the definition of loyalty is you having somones back 💯 percent, NO MATTER WHAT!! IF THE BOTH OF YOU GO DOWN TOGETHER, it’s both of you keeping your mouth shut. It’s when the other person is not around and someone hits on you and you say no thanks I’m good. When ur in a big group and someone’s taking shit about your partner and you stop them instead of joining them. It’s doing whatever you can to help the both of you come up not just yourself. It’s when someone gives you something and you make sure you give it to your partner. If everyone just treated everyone else they way that they would want to be treated the world would be a much beytet place

MY COOL ASS NEIGHBOR.

Sitting next door at my neighbors. He’s cool very talented and single. If I wasn’t head over heels in love with somebody else I would jump on this dude like green on a frog. He sings, makes me laugh non-stop when I’m over here. I like coming over here especially when I have had a bad day. I leave here in a better mood. When I say hes talented ladies I mean talented he can fix anything in the house he can make shit, drawl, sing I haven’t found a thing yet he can’t do. And No we have not had sex so I can’t comment on that but I’m sure you get the hint. Anyway we are just friends he’s cool as fuck and I just thought I’d write about it. I appreciate the lengths he goes to make me laugh. I know I get on his nerves alot tho. But anyway shout out to “The Neighbor”!

The Sociopath.!!

So my BFF has this stalker, psychosociopath who I am not kidding calls her every minute of the day when she doesn’t answer the phone he just continues she can’t even make a phone call out because he continues to keep calling and this goes on all day long. I’m on her ass about just ignoring him but it’s getting to the point where he has started threatening me and I ain’t the one. He’s a lazy slob who won’t get off his ass and do a damn thing won’t work won’t leave his grandma’s house nothing and the only thing he has to do is try to ruin her life. He’s put his hands on her he asks her for a favor and in the same breath will call her a cunt I’ve been in a relationship like this and the dude was so abusive that it got to a whole another level of scary I don’t know what it is about myself and other people but I have had my fair share of psycho stalkers and when I say that I’m talking about more than one I’m talking more than five all of which have tried to kill me I’m not for sure what it is that I do to people to make them go crazy but my best friend has the same effect on people too. I’m writing this bc I can see the hurt and how it effects her daily life. Hell it’s starting to effect my daily life. She gets a way from this dude and he does this to her till she has no option but to go back to him but since me and he have reconnected I’m not letting it happen. This dude’s gonna end up killing her. HES DRIVING ME CRAZY SHE PUTS HER PHONE ON VIBRATE AND ALL I CAN HEAR IS IT VIBRATING ALL DAY LONG AND IT DRIVES ME NUTS. HE TRIES TO TEll her that I’m using her or tries to put thoughts in her head that I’m not her friend but I clearly care about her or I wouldn’t be here for her like I am I consider her part of my family I’ve moved her into my home not once not twice but 3 times I care about about her. Buti had stopped talking to her for a year bc all she kept doing was lying to me and stealing from me. When her mom passed away I wasn’t there for her and I regret that every day. But this dude is on some crazy psycho stalker shit and I’m worried about him hurting her. He won’t get the fucking clue that she don’t want him anymore. Oh and to top off everything in my downward spiral of a life my 3rd ex wife has been released from prison and I didn’t want to see her at first but now I think I want to. But we’ll save that for tomorrow or today

I hate it when…..

I hate it when people act like I have a IQ level of 0 or they try to feed me some bullshit ass story. Expecting me to actually believe the b******* that’s coming out of their mouth. I just hate it when people treat me like I’m a lesser than what I actually am because I’m a badass mother f***** first off let me name it off I cook I clean I have a job if I want something I make my own money and get it myself I can do just about anything that a man can do if not better. I’m honest, loyal, dependable, I don’t cheat and I keep everything 100, and the person I’m with I have their back 100%. I don’t trash talk them nor do anything fucked up. I ride hard for the people I’m with. I’m a fucking catch, and I keep falling for the people that fuck me over the most. Why can’t there be a guy/girl out there that can be the same way I am. It just sucks

Would they have missed me.

First off I want to start off by thanking my daughter KAYDENCE GRIFFIN for saving my life after my dumbass attempted to try and end it I know she probably thinks I’m upset with her but I’m not she was doing what she thought was right and if it wouldn’t have been for her there’s a great possibility that I wouldn’t even be writing this right now. I attempted suicide the other day took a bunch of pills. My daughter got word of it told me she wanted my address so she could come and see me and the next thing I know there is an ambulance standing at the door along with the police and after I told them what I’ve done and they took my blood pressure and my vitals they immediately put me in the ambulance and took me to the hospital and due to my past drug abuse. (I used to be an IV drug user but I’ve been cleaning out the needle for 2 years) they had a very difficult time getting an IV started I told him they were going to have to go through my neck but they didn’t believe me so after being poked and prodded for 20 minutes I finally told them to please go through my neck or not to give me an IV. So finally they went through my neck which now I have a huge bruise. My 2nd ex wife was supposed to have followed the ambulance to the hospital but when I got there and realized she still hadn’t been there I called to find out where she was at she said she ran out of gas then when I send some people to help her to give her gas she didn’t decide that she don’t want it and she had already gotten a hold of her brothers supposedly and they were going to bring her gas well while I was in the hospital somebody stole $250 Of my money and the only two people that could have done it was my best friend or my ex-wife and what irritates the piss out of me the most is the fact that I was going through a traumatic event and they use that as a reason to steal from me. They thought for one that I was going to jail afterwards so they didn’t think I’d be coming back to the house so when I get back I started going through my stuff and can’t find my money I start asking questions nobody wants to be honest with me about it each one wants to blame the other so I felt like the only thing that would be fair was for both of them to split the difference split the cost until one of them comes clean and tells me they took it which I highly doubt will ever happen. I really don’t know who to believe or who to trust because both of them have done me dirty in the past my supposed best friend has done me really dirty and my second ex-wife who is still really good friends with me has also done me pretty f***** up in the past so neither one of them are in good standing with me when it comes to being able to tell me something and I believe them. It really hurts me that I’m going through a really tough time right now and they use that to take advantage of me and steal from me. Everybody keeps trying to say that it’s my best friend but my gut tells me otherwise it’s just the way the events played out and how my ex-wife acted when she told me she ran out of gas well I send people to go give her gas money or gas and she didn’t want it it’s just here lately a lot of her stories just don’t add up and she uses me for one thing in particular and if she was my friend truly my friend she would offered you know help me out a little bit or pitch in a little bit or throw me some money cuz she doesn’t broke or just anything like that if she never does as a matter of fact I have to check her sometimes and let her know just how greedy she’s being and then and only then does something change a little bit but not much. I think what hurts me the most though is being at the hospital and the two people that were supposed to be there by my side either one of them showed up which tells me that neither one of them really gave a f*** cared or thought that I was important enough to be there for and that’s where I got my title for my blog today because I wonder if I would have actually died would it even matter to them specifically more one person than the other my ex-wife is still a really good friend of mine but for my ex who as you guys know I’m still head over heels in love with would it even make a difference to him would it hurt him would he be hurt by it but he even cry what do you miss me what he even show up to my funeral my gut tells me the answer to those questions are all no and that’s what hurts I feel like everyday I’m being played for a fool I feel like I’m being used and I feel like that everything that is said to me is a lie he tells me all the time you know I love you right and my answer is the same every single time no I don’t because actions speak louder than words and your actions don’t match your words I just want to find somebody who I can be with that their actions match their words that’s all I want and I’m 39 years old and I’ve yet to find that with that being said I think I’m done venting for the night

Wtf is wrong with people today

So I’m not gonna lie i smoke alot of pot and today I had gotten a new toy so I thought I’d be nice and got over next door and see if he wanted to partake. Oh and fyi ive been digging this dude, keep that on mind. So me and my bff strut our stuff over there knock on the door and he Screams really loud oh my gooood who is it now. He flings the door open and says in a rude tone NO, not tonight. First off it ass should feel privileged I always bring something to smoke I don’t ask you for shit, I bring my own party favors and I don’t do dumb s*** and for you to act like you’re better than me and if you don’t think that we can hear everything you say through the walls of the trailer when you’re screaming you’re absolutely wrong and you should feel lucky that I was desperate enough to get out of my house excuse me let me face that the people’s house I’m staying at I was so desperately wanting to get out of there that I was like you know what f*** it even though I heard him be a complete utter f****** a****** the other night I’m asking if he wants to smoke and you act like it’s a problem for me to come over and hang out when in reality the only reason I came over there is cuz I was so desperate to get the f*** out of where I was at that you were my only option I didn’t even want to come over especially after hearing all the s*** that he had to say the other night. I’m so sick and tired of buddies rudeness and lies and disrespect and b******* like that wasn’t even called for he was a complete f****** a****** for no reason no there was a reason he thinks he’s better than everybody else why is every guy gotta try and start fights between friends just so they can try to Fuck both of them. Men are down right pigs most of the time. So I went out tonight in tonight and what I thought was supposed to be spending time with a person it turns out I’m just a booty call. WTF. ONCE AGAIN I FELL FOR HIS SHIT. WHY. Do i continue to be so stupid. I hate the fact I love him bc no matter how pissed I am at home or how bad he’s treated me soon as he calls I pick up or if he texts me asking to stop by it’s always yes. I stood by his self de the entire time he was locked up and tonight he told me he don’t want to deal with me being locked up. That hurt so bad. Made me feel like I’m not worth that too him. He’s never going to leave her. And as I sat there listening to him talk i realized that he loves her the way I love him so he’s not going to leave her. I hate to see him hurt and I really don’t want to Fuck this hoe up but if she’s gonna Fuck with his emotions I’m gonna have to set her straight. Man it really hurts me to him go through this s*** when he doesn’t have to like he don’t deserve this he can be a really good dude and he deserves to be with somebody who’s actually going to love him and be there for him and not be talking to other m************ it’s just b*******

Let’s take a vote

Would you rather be with somebody who you knew loved you and would do their best by you or would you rather be with somebody that you had a question your whole life?? My answer I rather be with somebody that I know love me somebody that I know I can count on when she gets tough if I go away for prison for 5 years they’re going to support me while I’m in there they’re going to have my back they ain’t going to let nobody talk s*** about me then going to let nobody do me wrong that’s all I want in life and I love somebody like that but the f***** up thing is they don’t love me like that and it’s hard to swallow because I do I would have their back I would take a bullet for him would take a case hell there’s some things that probably do that I’m going to mention in writing and this person knows I love them that much but that doesn’t matter to them because they’d rather be with this chick who lies about everything the b**** lies about the color of her shoes for no reason. And for real this dude deserves so much better than her like I’m not trying to boast or brag but he deserve someone like me someone who is going to have his back no matter what someone that when I’m out somewhere and he ain’t with me and the mother f***** talks bad about him I step up and say hey either you shut the f****** or me and you going to have a problem like I have that dudes back 100% I may have done a couple things while he was locked up in prison that I’m not proud of but come on it was something that didn’t mean anything the second he got out of prison I was all his I did a couple things while he was out of prison when he first got out but it wasn’t because I was actually doing it or thinking that way I did it because he said he made a comment about his ex-wife that really got me in my feelers and I knew he had been going through my phone so I emailed somebody in prison and said some s*** that I knew at some point would get back to the dude I was dating was it one of my proudest moments no. But I tell him everything I’m 100% honest with him whether he believes me or not that’s his problem. he doesn’t have to cheat on me hell I’ve been married to three different times all the women if he wants to f*** somebody else all you have to do is bring him home if he wants to f*** somebody by himself all he’s got to do is just let me know keep it 100 and just because he’s out doing that s*** doesn’t mean I want to do that s*** I’m a faithful loyal b**** when I’m with somebody I am with that person nobody else means a f*** to me but they go behind my back and do some of that should be done has like really crushed me and the other night I’m hanging out with a certain somebody and the whole entire time all he’s talking about is a b**** that he’s with it’s like for real like I get you a nice ass hotel room for the jacuzzi tub so you can chill and relax for a while you totally blow me the f*** off and you’re going to sit here and talk to me about nothing but her I cried myself to sleep I just don’t get what I’m not doing right you know how you pour your heart out to somebody and nine times out of 10 when you’re in love with them you know they pour their heart back he would always just say thank you or I appreciate that and my gut just tells me that he does not love me at all like I love him and that s*** hurts especially when you would ride for that mother f***** no it fans or butts I wouldn’t even ask questions if he said hey let’s go, I’d be like alright. I know at one point in time my third wife was that way like we could fight argue and at the end of the day I knew that she loved me granted she also tried to kill me several times so I don’t know how much love was there but I just want to be with somebody that is going to have my back like I have theirs and know that when I’m not around they ain’t got to worry about me cheating on him or f****** around or doing dumb s*** but it seems like no matter who I date or who I go out with they always be on some dumb s*** they just can’t keep their dick in their pants and think it’s cute to just have sex with all these pre females. I’m tired of putting my all into trying to help people and be there for people when they won’t even put in a fourth of the effort that I do well I’m going to jump off here now I just wish this person knew just how much I love them and how deep my feelings ran maybe then they would treat me with a little bit more respect and decency. Because I go all out for them just to be s*** on and talk too crazy and just wish they knew how much I love them or at least wish they would love me the same but no I fall into the category of being not as good as the other b**** who lies about everything couldn’t tell the truth to save her life I just don’t get it but I will hope everyone has a wonderful evening don’t forget to share with your friends and I should be posting my edibles soon for sale

Man Im stupid.


So I’m sitting hear reading text from my ex to other people. How he can even utter the words I love you to me. He does nothing but lie to me about how he feels and then he tells everyone else the real truth. Example…He don’t give a fuck about that bitch, she ain’t nothing but a hoe, she’s fucking everybody. He wishes I’d leave him the fuck alone and stay out of his life. Well that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I wish I was never a part of his life to being with I should have left his sorry ass in prison to rot. He had plenty of other bitches sending him money and writing him I was the stupid one for falling for his bullshit. I should have fucked everyone he accused me of fucking. I’m just glad I left when i did or I would have gotten what he had and the fucked up thing is he tried to blame me for it. When he was the only one I was fucking with the entire time he was out. I’ve been reading about hypnotism and I’m gonna see if there’s a doctor who could hypnotize me into forgetting about him. I want to erase every memory, every feeling, every thought. All of it I want someone to say his name and me be like who’s that. My gut told me he was a lier, my gut told me he didn’t love me, my gut told me to find someone better (Which wont be hard). I’m hoping I can get this doctor to do this ASAP I want to forget him as soon as possible. The person who he pretended to be with me and the person he really is, it’s like night and day. He’s now back with his ex and that’s were he needs to be. That bitch can’t tell the truth to save her life. Funny thing is he man recently got locked up and she would rather be with the other guy then him but until he gets out she’s not gonna leave bc she benefits alot being around him, he loses money along with other things that she finds and keeps. I feel they belong together bc they both are nothing but trash who pray on other people and as far as I’m concerned if being don’t work then I’m left with one other option. I wish I never would have started dating men. After all the shit I’ve been through in my life Im not a big guy fan. I feel like when I was with women I was much happier. Hell one he can tell his bitch now to stay home and she will. Me on the other hand will not. If you want to go out at 2 in the morning. Well guess what buddy I will too. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander that’s a model that I live by. But what hurts me the most is when I be talking to people that know both of us and I hear about how he’s been doing this and doing that and then when I asked him about it he lies to me it’s like his excuses I’m not trying to hurt nobody bro you’re hurting me worse by lying to my face then to tell me the truth I would respect you way more for telling me the truth because that means you have balls you can actually own up to the s*** that you do but to know that you lie straight to my face that’s p**** ass s*** that’s cowardly if I’m going to do something and someone ask me about it f*** yeah I’m going to own up to it I ain’t got no problem telling m************ I’ve done something and if I’m in the wrong I’m in the wrong I’ll apologize but I don’t lie I have no reason to lie I’m a grown ass adult that can do what the f*** I want when I want how I want where I want and if I feel like I got a lot of somebody about something then there ain’t no point in me doing it it’s just hurtful because I do so much for this person and all they do is s*** on me this person’s birthday was recently here it just passed and I know that they’ve been going through a lot of stress here lately so in order to make his birthday a little less stressful or his day a little less stressful I got a hotel room at a five-star hotel was going to take him out to eat I had no plans on him staying the night I didn’t want him to stay the night I just wanted to give him a few hours where he could chill relax take his mind off of everything and just be himself for a minute and the dude totally blew me the f*** off and that hurts and then he tries to tell me love you no you don’t you don’t want to be with me because you can’t cheat on me ever since he split up with me he tells me oh I’m coming back I’m coming back I’m coming back and then when he breaks up with his girl he goes back to his ex-wife who will lie about the color of her shoes like for no reason and I’m a good b**** to have I cook I clean I get my own money I’m a hustling ass mother f***** I can hustle anyone under the table and I do good business I do I make crafts I make I personalize furniture, I’m loyal I’m honest and when I’m with somebody man I will move mountains for those people I will do whatever it takes to make them happy and when it’s just me I spend my money on me I spoil myself but when I’m with somebody I spend my money on them I try to get them whatever they want you know just I tried to spoil them and make them happy and for my birthday he was out screwing the b**** he was cheating on me with left me at the sober house I had to stay at for my probation for 6 hours and didn’t even take me to do anything for my birthday and then I shell out this money to try to make his Day special and he blew me off like I wasn’t s*** that hurts so bad that I can’t even tell him I love him anymore because I don’t even know if I do he’s causing me so much hurt and pain that if you love somebody truly you wouldn’t cause them that you wouldn’t make them cry. I believe he has an addiction to sex and you know I’m one of those people that I can deal with that I could let you go do your thing as long as you kept everything 100 with me but he can’t do that and I’m tired of hurting I’m tired of trying to show somebody that I am what I say I am and that I would do anything for them just for them to blow me off like I’m nothing he’s got me to the lowest points that I’ve attempted suicide three times and that don’t even matter to him the other day I was so scared to go to sleep cuz I was afraid I wasn’t going to wake up and when I did all this stuff for his birthday and he didn’t show up that showed me right there how little he respected me or cared about me I just wish more than anything in the world I can remove him from my memory because it’s been almost a year and I still can’t be with another person I guess I’m not comfortable I’m not happy he’s hurt me so bad that I don’t think I could ever be with someone again just because I will question every f****** thing they say to me and the thing is is I told him this time and time again I don’t ask you questions cuz I want to know the answer I asked you questions because I already know I’m just going to I’m just trying to see if you’re going to lie to me and you do every time I deserve a man who’s going to put just as much efforgft into the relationship as I do I deserve a man who’s going to be faithful to me who actually loves me and doesn’t just say it their words words don’t mean a f****** thing to him they do to me he can put something on his kids life and won’t even stand on it it’s like really bro like that s*** serious to me and those of you that read this feel free to leave any comments or suggestions I’m really looking for somebody that can hypnotize me and pluck him out of my brain so that when I see him I don’t even know who he is maybe then I can get some peace in my life and possibly move on to another relationship that would actually benefit me but I’m not going to keep sitting here and let someone tell me that they love me his actions don’t match his words and I can’t do that I got to be with somebody who when they say I love you I know that they love me he’s always telling me you know I love you right Brooklyn and I just look at him and shake my head and I have the same answer every time no I don’t because your actions don’t match your words and I don’t go off with people say cuz I can’t believe a word that comes out of anybody’s mouth I go out their actions and your actions show me that you don’t give a f*** about me one time you give a f*** about me is if somebody’s trying to hit on me or get at me or actually that’s about it. Question and this is something that you guys can leave a comment for or write a story about and post it on my page I don’t care but I’ll I want to know why do we tend to go after people that don’t want us that treat us like s*** and I know a lot of people say because we want to try and change them but I don’t think that’s it I’m tired of putting all my effort and energy into somebody that won’t even do the same for me at the end of the day I know he’s nothing but a lying cheating a****** and I know that if we would ever get back together that’s exactly what he would do to me again. He gets me to my lowest point I’ve done nothing but try to show him that no matter what he can count on me I’ll always be here for him that I’m loyal I’m trustworthy and the only thing he’s done to me is lie to my face used me cheat on me steal for me try to f*** my best friend hell he’s trying to f*** all my friends he probably has f***** all my friends including my best friend it just hurts because I don’t know what I’ve done to him to be to be done like that

Never AGAIN!!!

So it was my ex’s birthday yesterday and I’m big about making people’s birthday special. I think that every person should have one day that they get to be treated like a king or queen, presents, taken out, you know the whole nine yards. So I planned a special night for him well I had asked you know for some special amenities so that when we went out We Could celebrated and not only did the son of a b**** stand me up but after he told me he would Definitely make sure and come by and that it was cool I made the plans he totally ditched me on the whole thing and decide to go do something else. He tells me that his kids were going to take him out to dinner and that may be true but this son of a b**** has lied to me every chance he gets so I don’t believe it I believe he went with some other b**** and did whatever he wanted to with her so here I am left with a nice ass room and dinner plans and nobody to go with me so I invite my best friend/roommate ask her if she likes to go of course she jumped on it. The second she sees the room she is absolutely astonished by it so I’m glad I could make her day but I myself stayed up till wee hours of the night trying to take my mind off of it and I can’t I got in the jacuzzi tub I try to relax take my mind off of it and the only thing that it makes me do is cry it’s like I try so hard to show this person how much I love and care for them it’s like the harder I try the more they push me away I mean I wanted to make his birthday special because on my birthday he was out screwing some other female and left me at home for 5 hours and that was actually the first time in our relationship that I called him and he didn’t answer his phone he was always good about no matter what time it was when I called he always answered and that’s why I knew he was cheating on me so instead of having a pity party I decided I was going to go downtown and possibly have a drink or two maybe get drunk, and I do just that I go to a bar I have a couple drinks and decide dermal done I’ve been wanting to get it done since my ex-wife of 9 years got into an altercation with me and knocked two of them out. So I happen to run into somebody at the bar long time friend hung out with them for a little bit they went with me to get my dermal done and I don’t know how many people can relate to this but I used to be a and instead of self-mutilating when I feel like cutting or burning myself I don’t get a tattoo or piercing and you wouldn’t be able to tell from my pictures but I’ve got 23 piercings in my face a couple other ones somewhere else and I’m covered in tattoos which at some point in time I will get those pictures posted up so that’s my way of relieving what tension I’ve got going on and I don’t self mutilate.. so I have forgotten I ordered him clothes for his birthday the whole outfit and I’m sitting there thinking if you can’t find 20 minutes out of your day to come see me so you can get your presents and do what you already told me we could do so that’s why I made these plans then why am I buying new stuff and trying so hard to do right by you to show you I care when you don’t even care so I canceled the birthday presents they weren’t going to arrive on his birthday anyway they were going to be a couple weeks late this time wouldn’t have been any different I just give up I’m tired of putting for so much effort with somebody who can’t even give me a tiniest bit of effort so that made my mind up last night but that’s it I’m done giving a s*** about him I’m done trying to get him to see that I’m the perfect female for him and all he’s going to do is keep going out here and get these b****** that are going to use him first off I don’t want nothing he has cuz I already got everything I need and if I don’t got it I can get it on my own I don’t need him to do anything for me besides be there for emotional support when I need it and you know do what a boyfriend supposed to do other than that I’m good but he wants to just go out here and do the most and think that he’s big s*** ain’t nothing going to touch him and he can do whatever and well this time when he ends up in prison he’s going to call me and he’s going to get hung up on when last time I answered every single one of his phone calls I put money on his books I wrote him faithfully I sent him cards man I blew up their male system not literally figuratively with cards so that way he felt like there was somebody out there that gave a s*** and the entire time he’s locked up he’s talking to other b****** having other b****** put money on his books and the hands up leaving me for the one that I had an altercation with while he was locked up and it gets me because now to each their own I do not judge people for their disabilities but there is a one-legged prostitute that lives in my city in she’s been on his nuts from day one and I have told her to stay away from him he’s mine and of course does she you know and then she ends up getting a letter from him because he tracks her down in prison writes her since her a clothing box and then start dating her well he’s still with me and this entire time I’m in treatment he tells me he’s at home taking care of my dog which he wasn’t he was living at a hotel with her lying to my face every time I called him and I’m pretty sure by now you’re wondering why the hell do I put up with someone who treats me like s*** all the time trust me I’m not a real big believer in God but I pray everyday that I could just not love him anymore that I can have the utmost disgust for him and I can’t no matter what s*** it’s making me cry right now he only helps me out when it benefits he’s only there for me to lies and lies and lies and lies and it’s like bro you don’t have to lie to me regardless of what you tell me I’m still going to love you but he’s too p**** to man up and actually be honest and that’s what gets me cuz I’ve got more balls than he does I’m just an honest person and it’s funny because I took psychology when I went to college my major was psychology I minded and sociology didn’t get my degree but I wanted to be a psychologist the people that diagnosed mental health disorders. But he thinks he’s so slick I knew every time he was cheating on me because every time he would he would get soaked self-defensive about what I was doing who I was with he would accuse me of f****** everybody and you knew I wasn’t he just he had a guilty conscience and then he would think I’m so stupid to believe the things that were coming out of his mouth but that was the truth bro first off I don’t ask you questions because I want to know the answer I asked you questions cuz I want to see if you’re going to lie to me and of course every time he does you know I told him time and time again I don’t accuse people of doing something I want less I know for fact they had done it and I get proof before I call anybody a liar or a cheat or a thief and I give him a chance to tell me the truth and I’d like to see if they’re going to man up have a set of balls and be able to tell me the truth or if they’re going to be a p**** and chicken out and lie to me and let’s just say he chickens out and lies to me every time makes me lose all respect for him because I can’t stand a liar. I just wish that my brain would just click and say hey b**** he is lying to you he’s continuing to lie to you stop loving him just leave him the f*** alone he’s no good for you he’s a piece of s*** but for some reason my brain just does not want to compute that factor and it keeps every time he’s nice to me for a couple days and I think maybe he’s decided that he’s going to change and I fall right back into his little f****** b******* ass traps no he’s on the same b******* I just wish I could get it through his head that he’s never going to find another female like me I’m like the best female for him with what he does and how he lives his life I don’t care about other females just as long as I’m number one and they know that I don’t care what you do as long as you’re honest with me as well as yourself I don’t want you going out and having sex with all these people simple things to ask I mean if he wants to have a threesome he can have a threesome you ain’t got to cheat on me we can do this s*** together hell if you want to do it on your own just let me know about it just keep it 100 but you know I gave you the same respect even though I’m not interested in anybody else until just here recently kind of dawned on me the other night that I really like somebody and they’re actually good to me. And it’s looking like you know he’s had all this time to pull his head out of his f****** ass and realize that hey maybe that chick really does love me maybe she is being 100 maybe I can’t trust her maybe I can you know be 100% honest with her and not going to receive any you know b******* about it to every man see that side of me because as of now I don’t want to be with him anymore I’m working on trying to get with this other person and since he didn’t want to go out to dinner with me or share the hotel room with me that I got I’m going to share it with this person maybe take them out to dinner go do something maybe go get some drinks an baffles me why he can’t see that I’m like the perfect woman to have I cook I clean my own money I have a job I support myself you know I don’t lie I don’t cheat I don’t steel I don’t care if you go out and have sex with another woman I’m going to go holler at somebody I’ll be back as long as you let that b**** know that she can’t come between us that I’m number one I’m cool with that. But he’s not going to get a chance to experience that because now he’s lost that chance he’s had ample opportunity and after going all out for him to celebrate his birthday he blows me off just to be a dick he really wasn’t with his kids he was with some other b**** and you know what when everything said and done and all these people turn on him and when he ends up getting caught up doing some dumb s*** he’s going to sit in prison thinking about damn if I would have just stayed with Brooklyn I wouldn’t be going through all this because when he tries to call me this time I’m not going to answer the phone I’m going to block his ass and hope that he never calls me again I don’t know when it’s going to get his ass out of his head and realize he had the perfect woman but because he’s a dog and can’t keep his dick in his pants or at least follow the rules that and either be open and honest about it and don’t lie to me cuz if you lie to me I consider that cheating you’re hiding something but he wants to be a dog and I’m pretty sure he has a sex addiction problem s and I’ve already been in one relationship with that problem but they couldn’t be honest or keep it 100 with me so I left them you know that’s all I ask for I give you complete honesty but if you want to go outside I can at least protect myself its stupid not using protection. I and he’s issue with that problem with my ex-wife because she claimed to be a lesbian but our time she cheated on me it was a dude. But she wouldn’t use protection and I found out that she was having unprotected sex with some people that you don’t want to have unprotected sex with so I had to end that relationship. But my ex man wants to go out and accuse me of being Unfaithful When he knows that I haven’t but he thinks that if he can find me doing something wrong then that justifies why he did what he did but I don’t see there being any justification and being a downright f****** piece of s*** because when you have a girl like me that is willing to let you do anything you want all you got to do is just be honest with her keep it 100 and you can’t even do that then you don’t deserve that girl or me he’s a dog because he has a sex addiction problem that he doesn’t want to admit to and even if he does in his eyes that’s him admitting that there’s something wrong with him and that’s worse than anything in his book He’s a narcissistic a****** in some sociopaths will never admit there’s anything wrong with them because they’re perfect and he thinks he is well buddy he had the perfect girl but he f***** it up by being a selfish a******he left me for a woman that constantly lies I mean you can ask her where she was born you can know where she’s born she can even know you know where she was born and she was still lie to you. She’s been known to work for the police I just don’t understand why he would even want someone like that in his life like rose lied to you about everything but he says that he’s comfortable in that situation? No what it is is the fact that she doesn’t give a s*** about what he does she’ll let him go out stay out all hours of the night do whatever he wants to do he can lie straight to her face she don’t care he’ll tell her he’s doing one thing he’s really doing another and he’s still will lie to her and she doesn’t care. So it has nothing to do with him being comfortable it has to do with the fact that she’ll let him get away with what he wants to get away with and I won’t but he still thinks that I’m going to be thankful to him because he’s not move on with my life and find somebody else who’s going to actually be there for me I’m done with him. I was really hurtful really f****** rude disrespectful and just makes him a s***** person so now the rest of his life when he regrets leaving me and the one day his senses finally kicking and his brain starts working and he realizes that I was right all this time he’s going to kick himself in the ass because he’s going to have no chance in hell if ever being with me again. That’s what happens when you do file that s*** to people who are doing nothing but trying to show you that they love you and are going to be there for you and have your back and since you can’t even be man enough to respect that you ain’t going to get that no more now not only is he missed out on the baddest b**** he’s totally lost any chance he ever had of being with somebody who didn’t want his money all the gifts the spoiling all I wanted was just him for his money the stuff that he got no f**** about him as a person so he can have all those fake ass b****** the only real mother f***** that he had is gone and wants nothing to do with this sorry f****** ass and you can’t be mad when he calls cuz he got caught up doing dumb s*** and ends up back in prison and tries to call me and I block his ass I won’t help him I want nothing from him all he does is lie to me he promises me all this s*** that he never delivers you know what’s really f***** up is for his birthday I had planned out this whole big thing where he thought he was going to have a big huge gift waiting for him but no when he walked in he was going to find me dead that was going to be his birthday present he had me feeling that low about myself he made me feel so worthless and he doesn’t even give a f*** I really should have gave him that for his birthday no just so everybody knows those are just words talking I don’t mean that now the idea I had yes I was going to do that but my best friend talked me out of it I got to the point where I feel like nobody gave a s*** about me and no matter how hard I tried nothing worked I felt like all I was doing was ruining other people’s lives but I came home one day and she’s like you’re really starting to scare me and she’s like I want you to know that I’m happy when you get off work just like I need you around so she talked me out of it for the moment there’s a lot more to that conversation but that’s a little bit more private and just what really makes me bad about that situation is he asked me for a threesome for his birthday and he had the audacity no cuz I didn’t even have the audacity cuz he didn’t even get a chance to ask but I know God damn good and well he was going to ask to have it with me and my best friend the b**** he was f****** behind my back when she was living in my house ingredient I knew it I just didn’t think she would do that to me after everything I’ve done for her and she still lies to my face about it’s like girl I know he did for one he admitted it for two when I was going to treatment I hit all her sex toys in my room and when I got back they were all in her room he had to give them to her so I know he was f****** her And she will never admit it because she thinks she’ll lose me as a friend and you don’t quite understand, I’m not really mad at her she might think I am but I would just like the truth regardless I’m still going to be her friend because I’m more mad at him than I am at her he use that to his advantage because he knew how she was and that kind of person is not a good person yes granted she should have been woman enough to say no no matter how bad off she was but the tables were turned no I wouldn’t have done the same thing but that’s the difference between me and her so my rant for todNo I was a little everywhereOn my blog todayI was mad and I was frustrated and I have ADHD so I kind of have a tendency to lose track of what I got going on but my main point was after trying to make someone’s Day special and going through all the trouble that I went through to make it special he didn’t even show up so clearly when he tells me he loves me his actions speak louder than his words and he lost the best thing that could have ever happened to him and instead of Manning up in doing what he needed to do he was a p**** and he lost his chance to ever f*** with me again and because of that this person who’s been helping me out here a lot lately I’m starting to really dig I didn’t know all this until last night. So don’t ever let anybody make you feel like you are not worked something I let this person get me so down that I tried to kill myself three times no I’m realizing he wasn’t even worth the three times. This entire time he’s been lying to me and f****** with my head to just get what he wants and he’s a selfish and considerate a****** if he was he wouldn’t do people like that if somebody planned a nice big event for me and had s*** you know for me and was wanting to spend time with me I would have dropped everything I was doing to go be with that person because that’s that’s what you do I wanted to make his birthday special because he didn’t make mine special he was out f****** some other b**** screwing a one-legged prostitute while I was stuck at home by myself crying my eyes out because he didn’t want to spend my birthday with me and the only thing he got me was a cheap ass $5 journal that you can get at a gas station that’s

The Brooklyn Times

Every have one of those days where you’re just pisses off at the whole world and you don’t even know why?? Except for I know why!!. I’m sick of being single and the person who I’m supposed to be with is with some rachet ass hoe who couldn’t tell the truth to save her life. She one of those people who have to lie to make herself seem interesting. Only problem is she could lie all she wants she still ain’t shit.. I can’t stand someone who has to make shit up to try and fit in.. I can’t for the life of me figure out WTF he sees in her. Besides the fact she could care less about him going out and cheating on her all the time. She lets him do whatever he wants and me I won’t I’ll say something to him. Like WTF!!. 2 nights in a row now he’s called and messaged me at 3,4 in the morning asking if I’m up. I don’t know how many more times I’m gonna have to tell him I go to bed early bc I work in the mornings. More or less o believe he does the shit on purpose just to say ” well I tried to come over but u didn’t answer.” I’m finally glad I’m over him. Now I just wish I could find someone to replace him. I’m so sick of being alone. I’m really picky when it come to who i would actually be with and now that I’ve went through the shit Maine put me through, I’m not sure I will ever be able to trust someone again. This dude took me to go get a marriage license, and then kept putting it off. Like I couldn’t tell he was making up reasons to not get married. That’s top of the line fuck with someone’s head for real. Especially since he already had been cheating on me for several months, actually I’m sure he cheated on me the entire time I was with him. The one that hurt the most was someone I consider to be my best friend. He said he fucked her ony bed to. Later that day he says he lied that he never fucked her. All I can say is my guy knows different first off I know my best friend sure she fucked him every time my back was turned. I know what kind of person she is and I can’t stand the fact she sits there and lies to my face, after everything I’ve done for her. Not to mention I stopped talking to her for a year bc I caught her stealing from me and when I asked her she lied right to my face. The other day I walked in our room and had caught her in my purse, she says she was looking for back to some earrings but not matter what the reason was she should have never gotten in my purse. I’d give her anything she asked for but she’s gotta ask first.